Faded Colors
by randomgirloutthere110
Summary: Brown eyes reflected back at him. Beads of sweat wetted down his out of placed hair. The brown eyes closed, as he locked the door. No one was getting in, and he would not be coming back out... Rated T for many reasons... it may end as a love story i dunno DISCONTINUED, will soon be: To Mend, One Must Break
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I haven't been in the best of moods recently, so I thought writting something to let my anger seek into would be soothing. And I was right. I am debating whether this should be a chapter story or not? I have more planned if so. So, please, tell me if you'd like it to be continued. It may not be the best, but I worked hard on it. All reviews are charished and I would like to say the band _Barcelona _are going to be my inspiration for my next few fanfics. Anyway, please comment what you think. I try to repsonse to every review.**

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><p>Brown eyes reflected back at him. Beads of sweat wetted down his out of placed hair. The brown eyes closed, as he locked the door. No one was getting in, and he would not be coming back out. He bit the inside of his cheek just hard enough to let the metallic taste of blood fill his mouth, he needed to just feel something, anything. He looked back at himself in the mirror, to see the brown eyes sheltering tears. Slick tears that leaked and stained his sweaty face. This was going to be it. Everything would be gone, poof. He'd be gone, poof. He slowly lifts his hand to touch the mirror, the feeling of the cold piece of glass on his skin. In a bizarre way, it was soothing to him. It clamed his racing heart down to a speed where he didn't have to be away of it besting out of his chest.<p>

He took back his hand, and used it to turn on the sink. The water ran just like his tears were falling like an unstoppable waterfall. It just kept coming, falling. He gathered some water in the palms of his hand to drink water for the last time. The presence of the drink burned his chapped lips burned and stung the cut on his inner cheek, but the taste mixed in with the blood creating some sort of an electrifying hydration. His eyes bulged out of his head, showing almost every part of the red, swollen eyes, as he gulped a bit more than could pass down his throat at a time. The next several minutes contained loud hacking and coughing, which he prayed would soon subside without recognition. Last thing the needed was his mother to interrupt this moment, his moment.

Once he fully regained his breath, he took one last look at himself, who look all ready died, and opened the medicine cabinet. His eyes scanned over tiny orange bottles that contained muggle medicines, potions, and razors. If he were to take potion or medicine it would send him away fast and painless, and that idea sickened James. He wanted to suffer, cry, and pass out from it all before his body finally shut down. He wanted his family to realize just how much they put him through, and just how bad they had hurt him. They hurt him so bad that he didn't even respect them enough to leave them a letter to explain his actions. Instead, he'd just go, and only leave his bloody mess to show it all. It didn't matter what he did from this point on, he wasn't passing on to see his deceased family anyhow, and he'd end up alone where all the Death Eaters went. He would be welcomed to hell by Death to suffer for eternity, and to him, it wasn't nearly as bad as living in the place he was at now. Life was too much to bear. Life was worse than hell.

James reached out into the cabinet, and removed a razor, a brand new razor he had just brought. The razor he had been saving for this moment. He sat down, against the wall, next to the bathtub, and laid his arm against he leg, which were both shaking. James fumbles around to clasp a hold of the razor in a way that he could use it the way he wanted. Half of him was still afraid of what was happening, but the other part took control. Leaning his head back against the wall, and scrunching his face up he places the cooled metal on his skin and pulls it across his wrist first. It didn't take much to hold back any noise. It didn't hurt. It felt almost... relieving...

A twisted smirk painted it's way on his face, as he went in for his next clean cut. He took the razor straight down the middle of his wrist, crossing the other's path, spilling almost twice the blood. James let out a small gasp of pain, but was soon memorized by the trickling blood. It seemed so peaceful, right. He thought he might have fallen in love. His twisted smirk left him, and his smile, his shining smile took its place. The tears continued to silently fall, but he stayed in complete awe. He would have never imagined it'd be like this. He was still terrified of what came next, but for those remaining seconds, he was quite content with how his life was slipping away, poof.

The door handle was suddenly being shaken, which snapped James out of his peace. His eyes grew wide, as he watched the door carefully. He prayed and begged that no one would disturb him, at least until after he was past the point of saving. He didn't want to be the victim in distress, he just wanted to be gone.

"Who's in here?" Lily's voice came into earshot from the other end of the door.

James coughed to clear his throat before answering his sister. He tried to hide the fright, pain, and peace he was in. He shook his head, as he said, "James." Then, he realized just how heavy his eyelids were becoming, and rested them shut.

"Are you coming out anytime soon? You've only been in there for almost a half hour," her voice contained annoyance, though James ignored it.

"I-well- I don't feel well..." James mumbled loud enough for her to hear him. "Why does i-it matter?" He asked, getting lazy on his speech. He slurred and stuttered many words.

"Well, maybe, because I have a date in a few hours? I've only had it planned for two weeks now." She snapped. The Weasley temper was ripping out of her.

James looked down at his bleeding arm, and shut his eyes. He felt half-sorry for the girl on the other side of the door. She had never done anything to harm him, but he was still permanently deleting himself from her life. In time, he was almost sure that Al would confess all that he did wrong, and well, their dad knew bloody well what he did that messed everything up. James was going to make him suffer, he had too, and he knew this would affect his father more than anything. Harry had once James that if he were to loose one of the kids, than he wouldn't be able to stand life. Well, how was he going to feel when his own son took his own life? That would be called sweet, sweet revenge. James could taste it on his tongue.

He rose his thumb, and pressed it against the cut in hope that the pain would drain the anger that had entered his body at the thought of his father, but also the shame and guilt. He was not a good son, but he never had been. He was the one in trouble constantly, not Al. Stupid Al.

"Ah, holy crap! Shi-"

"James? Are you all right?" Lily asked, her voice heavy with worry.

He cursed under his breath, but didn't remove his thumb from the open wound. The pain, suffering, felt so nice, like it was calling his name to clear him of all his troubles. He let his head lean back, until it hit the wall behind him with a thud, which cause James to curse a few interesting words, and just stared down at the arm that he was holding in his lap. He was covered in blood, but he always enjoyed the color red, so didn't matter to him.

"James? James? Will you please answer me? Will you please get out?"

Lily's voice was now just a faint background noise to James. The blood, the fell of the wound, the shape, the hurt, the agony, the happy, the dreadful took over his body. He wasn't sure if it was legal to feel all that he was feeling at that moment in time.

"Mum, James won't get out of the bathroom!" Lily screamed down the hall.

Soon enough footsteps were walking up the hall, and there was banging on the door.

James groaned. What happened to the peace of nothing?

"James Sirius, your sister needs this bathroom. Now, young man-" Ginny yelled through the door. Apparently, someone had all ready been testing her temper, and was now taking it out on James.

"Go away." He slurred out to her, "Please..." He added quietly just to himself.

"Go away? I will not go away young man! Now, you are-" The tone of James's dying voice seemed to dawn on Ginny at the moment, because he temper seemed to be tamed quickly, and she fell silent.

After several silent moment, and several fallen tears to him. He was awakened back to reality by the sound of his mother's voice. This time, it was angry, nor was it upset. It was filled with worry, care, and love.

"Jamie, love, are you all right? Will you please open the door for me?"

The tears were falling without control. He wanted to scream no, unlock the door, and curl up in his mother's arms that were always there to protect him. What point would that prove then? That he couldn't even face himself? He was almost seventeen, he didn't need her comfort anymore, and he didn't need any help. He knew what he was doing, and he was going to do it no matter what. He didn't care for what his mother had to say.

Who was he kidding? She was the last person he wanted to hurt, and it was going to rip her to shreds... James prayed he went to hell for this that he could suffer for what he was doing. He almost hated himself, no, he did hate himself. Another reason why it was time to go...

James clutched the razor in his bloody hand, ready to make it go faster. He was ready to leave the world behind. He was ready to meet Death, or well, he kept saying that to himself. He swallowed hard, as he placed the metal almost right on top of the last vertical cut. This was going to be it. This was going to be it.

"James! James Sirius! Do you hear me?" Ginny said from the other side of the door. "If this is just a prank to make your sister late, young man, you will be in big trouble!" She yelled, her voice gathering its fire again. "Lily, go get your father. I am not dealing with this today!"

Footsteps disappeared. The razor began slicing. He let out muffled cries of pain. Everything was becoming blurry.

Footsteps returned. The doorknob was shook furiously. His head became very heavy...

"James, if you don't open this door, I will blast it down. Do you understand me?" Harry's voice came into the scene and disgust filled James.

With the little strength he had left, he dug the razor deeper into his skin, waiting to black out for the final finale. He felt as though it was playing out like a movie scene, and that made him slide the razor faster. All the perfection he was feeling merely minutes before had drained from him, and all the negative emotions took over. Fear, angst, agony, pain, suffocating, shame, jealousy, disgust.

"He hasn't been answering any of us." Ginny said furious and worried.

"I think he is trying to be funny." Lily muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"Damn it, James. This is your last-"

"C-C-Crap..." A faint whimper from James was caught by Harry, who almost froze.

Without even trying anything else, He yanked his wand out and yelled, "Alohomora!"

The door swung open, as James let out one last cry, the razor still digging through his skin.

Brown eyes met emerald eyes. So much was told by just one glance. Two gasps and cries in the background. All faded just like the original plan. Everything from that point on was just faded colors.

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><p><strong>How did you like the ending? I like the way I ended it... <strong>

**Anyway, remember to review letting me know whether to turn this into a chapter story or not. I think it'd be fun. I like writing dark stuff... If that doesn't sound weird... **

**Remember all reviews are charished and I try to reply to them, if you don't understand or don't like something, so I know how to fix it in my next stories. **

**-randomgirloutthere110**


	2. Chapter 2

**Woohoo, second chapter is finished. I would like to say, like I feel loads better now. Anyway, I would like to thank those who reviewed this story. Your kind words really make my day. **

**If you have any questions, feel free to ask. **

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><p>Footsteps were everywhere. That was the only familiar sound to his ears, besides breathing. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale... A pattern that was easy to follow but felt foreign to his body. He wanted to open his eyes, but his eyelids had never felt heavier in his life. Maybe he should make a sound, to let someone- anyone- know he was there, but did he want to be found. Was he even alive, or was all this his welcoming to death? Once he opened his eyes, would he greet Death merrily, and walk into his afterlife, with so many lost ones? Apprehensive, he wasn't sure whether to keep his eyes open to freeze the moment, or open them and greet his new life, his new body, his new everything. He had never been this nervous in his life? What would his family thank of him? Brave for standing up for himself? Would they even claim him after the events that took place? Would they been ashamed? Did he hurt his family's status? He never meant anything bad for anyone; he just wanted to prove his point. His point by showing his family that he was still there, well, not anymore, but he was there. <em>Was, that was a rather frightening thought... He'd have to get used to it though... He had too; he had no choice anymore...<em>

Deciding that he should at least make a small gesture to see if he could even move, he separated his lips to let a small, quiet groan escape between them. It sounded so weird hearing himself for the first time in what felt forever. Immediately, footsteps came running over to her side, and someone placed a hand on his right forearm. Could it be one of the family members that he had heard so much of, but never was given the chance to meet?

"James, can you hear me?" It was a woman's voice he had never heard before. It was high pitched, but not unusual toned. Her voice sounded weary and tired, like she had been up for days worrying about something. "James, can you give us any sign that you can hear me? Move a finger?" The woman asked in a more curious tone of voice. A hand was placed on my face, and started to mess with the lid of my eye, as though the hand was examining it. "He could be in a coma..." She said, after another moment him not responding. Once the hand began lifting his eyelid open (to check his eye), he jerked his head back in attempt to get the hand away from him. "Or maybe not..." She added afterwards. "I'll let you be..." And then, more footsteps were heard.

The hand on his forearm began rubbing his skin lightly, and a soft cry was heard. Another spoke, slowly, as if afraid for the response. However, this woman was a woman James knew a little too well. "Jamie? A-Are you okay, love?"

Realization dawned on the boy, as he realized actually where he was. He was in the last place he wanted, but also the place he dreamed of ending up at after the event. Suddenly, he wasn't as tired as before, as he mumbled, "Mum...?" in response to the woman. He took in a deep breath, and almost forced his eyes to lazily, flutter open. He let out an instant groan, once he saw tears staining his mother's florid cheeks. They made eye contact, as she brushed some of his hair out of his eyes a bit more.

Ginny nodded at her son, her baby, who caused this all on himself. She just wanted to know why...

"Do you know where you're at?" She asked, wanting to be sure he knew and felt comfortable where he was. She wanted him to feel like it was home, so he didn't have a slight discomfort.

James stiffly nodded, "St. Mugo's?" His voice wasn't cheerful, but the Healer had warned Ginny that it probably wouldn't be. If he really wished to die, than this would be a devastating outcome for him.

"Yeah, you are." She got up from the chair she was sitting in, and sat on the edge of his bed, taking a hold of his hand. "I'm going to go via floo your father at work, and the rest to let them know you are up. B-but first James Sirius, I want to know something..." She looked at him with the most sincere gaze that James had ever seen from her, he gulped as he knew the question, and before she could ask anything, he quickly muttered.

"Don't bother all of them. They don't need to be here," He cracked a smile that pained his face, "I'm fine, honestly. I feel better than before."

"They are worried about you, love. We all are." James laughed to himself at her comment.

Ginny sighed, looking down. She let silence gather around them, before deciding the right choice of words.

"James, they do, and if that is what caused this," She nodded towards his left arm that was wrapped in thick bandages and aching some, "then you were-" Ginny shook her head, and patted his hand, and squeezed it for comfort, before meeting his gaze again. He was surprised to see the tears reappearing in them. He wanted to look away, but her gaze followed.

"We love you so much, and-and," She blinked her eyes shut to hopefully, control her emotions.

James smirked, "Of course you lot do, everybody loves me. I'm amazing." He remark was completely off topic, but he didn't want to discuss why. He shouldn't need too, they should know. He didn't want he return to be hard either, so he dived for the escape he did every time. He placed a happy face on and filled the rooms with conceded, cruel, hilarious jokes. It always distracted everyone...

"Don't you dare start this with me! You aren't getting me off topic."

...But Ginny...

"I'm fine Mum, I promise." He told her, almost begging to drop the conversation.

"No, you aren't! Or you wouldn't be here... like this... Jamie, please, why?"

He gulped, and rested his eyes; "I'm tired, mum, later. Go contact them." James had always been the stubborn one, and sometimes, he was being worse than a mule.

Ginny sighed once more, and wiped her cheeks of her tears, stood up, and kissed James on the forehead, while muttering, "Okay, get some rest love, but don't think- nevermind... Just, just, I love you Jamie. Know that if you don't know anything else. We all love you..." before leaving the room.

Out in the hall, she began walking towards the help center of the center. As she walked, she tried her best to whip away any stray tears that continued falling. She tried adding everything up to the event up, but couldn't point fingers at the signs of James feeling like he obviously did. He was always so happy, cheerful, determined, and caring. Nothing about him added him up to the signs of it. She had read all about the normal signs, and the precautions to stop it from happening, but all of that studying had failed her... Was she a bad mother for not knowing he son was in such pain?

"Ginny?"

Ginny turned at her name to find Pavarti Patil walking towards her. She seemed timid about whether she should approach her old friend. However, with just a bit of her lip, she walked over to Ginny and hugged her.

Before Ginny had the chance to speak, she rushed in, "I was working over in the psyche section, and well, Healer Yates came in and told Healer Manson about James... I couldn't help, but overhear... I'm so sorry..."

Ginny shook her head, and sniffled some. "Yeah... James... I can't believe I didn't see the signs..."

Pavarti looked down, hearing the aggravation and pain in Ginny's voice. She sighed, and said, "Well, I'm not sure if this helps, but I work around these cases all the time... Most of the time, parents have no clue. Kids hide things away from their parents, don't beat yourself up over it, just be thankful James is still here with us..."

"That doesn't matter. I don't care about the other parents! James is my son, I should have known, I should have Pavarti! I don't care how many cases there are where the parents knew nothing. I knew my Jamie, I knew him... I thought..." Ginny broke down, and clung on the Healer in front of her. Pavarti tried her best to comfort her old friend, but it seemed that whatever she said, Ginny found a way to make herself feel worse.

After a good while of being comfort, Ginny finally got herself together, and gave a friendly smile. "Thank you."

Pavarti grinned, and shrugged, "It's no problem. I should really be going back to work now, though. I said I was going to the bathroom. Healer Manson might come look for me if I don't get back to helping him again..."

Ginny nodded, "Of course- wait, did you say Healer Yates spoke to Healer Manson earlier? Doesn't Manson deal with the- the, well, mentally unstable?" Ginny's brown eyes grew round; "D-Do they really think that Jamie i-is that bad? He is going to be okay though right?"

Pavarti shrugged, "Listen, I'm really sorry Gin, but I don't know anymore information on James, I left as soon as I heard he,"

"Oh... oh, okay... Thanks anyway," Ginny said, as Pavarti nodded in return, before turning and heading back down the hall she had just came down.

Half way down the hall, Pavarti recalled something, and turned to catch back up with Ginny, who was a good way down the hall in the opposite direction. She walked as fast as she could without breaking the rule, 'No running,' to catch up with Ginny. "Hey Ginny, I just remembered something!" She called out, as she approached Ginny.

Ginny turned around, and gave Pavarti a strange look. "What?"

Pavarti took a moment to take a deep breath, before saying, "Healer Manson has a group sessions with suicidal and depressed children. He meets up with them two times a week and discusses things. Susan Bones is his assistant, and she has told me about how she has to schedule the appointments. I don't know why I forgot about that, it sort of slipped my mind." She spoke as fast as her tongue could move.

"Group sessions? Do you think they will put James in it?" Ginny asked, interested in how it worked.

Pavarti shrugged, "Ginny, you do know James will almost have to be put through some kind of session, group or single or both. If there is something that he says while he is opening up that causes the Healer to believe that James' issue is with your family, you might be even subjected to family sessions. There are hundreds of different sessions for almost every issue, and I may not know what ones James will take, but I know he has to go to them."

Ginny shook her head, and sighed, "I knew it deep inside, but a part of me just wanted James released, and him coming home and being around us would help him through..."

"And that's normal, you don't want to have this dragged on any longer, but it's not up to you, it's up to James. This whole thing is about James... he needs help." Pavarti said, as gently as she could.

Ginny bit her lip, and tucked a piece of her red hair behind her ear, "I know, and I wish that I could give him the help he needs. I feel like a failure, because I can't. I'm his mother, he shouldn't need to talk to anyone else..."

"Have you've ever considered that something in your family is making James feel threatened or replaced? Did something happen to upset him? If so, I don't think he'd want your help for that. From the stories that my daughters tell me, James sounds like Harry, so he really doesn't want to hurt anyone... that probably left only one way to escape, which was harm himself," said Pavarti, if only she knew that his intentions were worse...

Ginny froze for a moment; she really hadn't considered that as a reason for any of this. "I-I can't think of anything that happened. He keeps to himself, and well, Al and him have had a few large blowouts, but they have them all the time, so I didn't think much about it."

"I'm not saying you should go and metal, because this could highly upset James, but did you know why they were fighting?"

Ginny shook her head, "No, neither one would tell Harry or me..." She looked around her in the hall, and quickly said, "Thanks again, Pavarti, but I really must go now. I need to via floo Harry at work, then the kids at Mum's... you know, about James waking..." With that, she quickly walked down the hall to the service center, so she could place her calls.

"May I help you?" The man behind the desk asked glumly.

"Yes, I'd like to via floo my husband at the Ministry." She replied quickly.

He nodded, "All right, Mrs. Potter, you know where everything is."

She bid a quick, "Thank you," before walking through the double doors beside the desk, and rushing over to a fireplace. She grabbed a handful of powder in her hands, before throwing it in the fire, and saying, "Ministry of Magic, Auror Department." And sticking only her head barely in. Immediately, an elderly woman came into her view, and Ginny smiled. "May I please speak to Harry, it's urgent. It's about James..."

The secretary nodded quickly, and replied, "He is in a meeting, but I'm sure he won't be bothered by this interruption. I shall go get him now. Please hold on a moment." And then, as quick as she was in view, she left, obviously getting Harry.

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><p>"We have successfully rounded up most of the prisoners, who broke out of Azkaban last week. However, there is a small handful of them that escaped somewhere within the Albania forest, or at least is believed to be there, by small population that live around the area." Harry said, as he stood up in front of the rather, large group of Aurors, who were all awaiting their next task to be ordered.<p>

"Now, I'd like to sign a small fraction of you lot to search the perimeters of the forest. You will travel in groups of six, so you will be able to watch your back in case of an attack. I will be sending sixty of you for the mission and another twenty for back up. Then, I will locate ten to set a headquarters up over in the village near the forest entrance to see if any are trying to live in the open over there. So in totally, one hundred of you will be making the trip over to Albania, and hopefully you will be able to defeat the small group of prisoners that are left. They will be extremely outnumbered, so it should be planned to be about a three-day mission. Report back here, using the Head of the Group's or assistant's patronus if there is any complications or mysterious discoveries." Harry pointed out.

He cleared his throat, before picking up a clipboard that was located on his desk, and flipped the paper, until he came to the one he needed. He adjusted his circular glasses, before saying, "Now, I've separated the groups based on the performance you gave during the annual test of ability that I gave last week. I tried to make every group as even as I could, and therefore, if any of you are attacked, you will be well balanced, and the back-up will be just as strong." He explained, as many anxious faces stared back at him. All wondering if they would be pick, and debating if they wanted to be picked.

"Now, I will be reading of the list of people for each group, and I will be giving one person the title of the Head, and another as the assistance. I expect those who are chosen to follow my commands, and let me know exactly what they set out to do, if they feel they need to do a different thing to catch the wanted. If I find that you lead your group into danger without let me know, I will remove you as titled Head and assistant and hand the titles over to two new people. Understood?" He said, as clearly as he could.

The group in front of him all muttered their agreement, before Harry began to speak again. "All right. The first group shall have Tegan Danish as their head, and Quincy Bennett as the assistant. The other four in the group shall be Megan Traits, Corey Madison, Skylar Heart, and Vinny Blaze. The second group," Harry's voice fell mute, as he heard a knock on the large, wooden door. He nodded at Ron, Assistant of the Aurors Department, and said, "Answer that for me, please?"

Ron nodded in agreement, and headed towards the door, he slid it open swiftly, and raised his eyebrow at the secretary before him. "Do you need something? We are in a meeting." He muttered quietly, as Harry began calling out the names of group two.

The rather young woman nodded quickly; "I know, sir, about the meeting, but Mrs. Potter has via-flooed for Harry on behalf of their son James..." She quickly rushed out, afraid to upset anyone.

Ron's jaw dropped for a moment, before asking excitedly, "Ginny? Is James awake, Florence?"

Florence shook her head, "I don't know sir, all that Mrs. Potter told him was that it was about James and it was urgent. She sounded quite worried, actually."

Ron sighed, and asked timidly, "You don't think that maybe James could have- you know- passed on... Do you?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. Ginny wasn't crying or in tears, so I am imagining no, but anything… well... It could be anything..." She mumbled quietly, looking down a bit.

Ron nodded, "All right, I'll go and let Harry know about it, and I'm sure he'll be out of here right after you to go talk to Gin." He then, shut the door, and headed up to where Harry stood.

Harry and many of the Aurors gave Ron a strange look, as he approached Harry, who was in mid-sentence. He nodded over to the door, and mumbled, "It was Florence,"

Harry scrunched his face up, as he thought back to when he hired her. "Didn't I tell her not to bother us during a meeting?"

"You didn't let me finish," said Ron, a bit awkwardly. He cleared his throat, and lowered his voice to a low whisper, "Mate, she came to tell you that Ginny via-flooed... She said it was about James, and urgent."

All color drained from Harry's face, as he immediately thought of the worse. "You don't think that- that James,"

Ron shook his head, "Florence said Ginny wasn't crying, so most likely not. She did sound worried..."

Harry looked at the clipboard in his hands, then out to the faces in the crowd, who were most looking up in confusion. He met Teddy's eyes, which were filled with fear, and Harry guessed that Teddy had put two and two together. He gave a slight nod towards his grandson, and then shoved the clipboard into Ron's hands. "Take over for me, okay I was in the middle of group three, I had just named off the Head and was about to name off the assistant." Harry stuttered out quickly.

Ron would have to face his fears of public speaking once again, in the name of family, which didn't seem that bad anymore. He began calling out the assistant, as Harry slipped through the doors of the conference room.

He jogged over to Florence's desk, and eagerly asked, "What fireplace?"

She didn't look up from the paperwork that she was reading, and said, "Three."

Harry rushed out a, "Thanks," before running towards the fireplace. He poked his head into it, to see Ginny staring back at him.

"Oh, Harry! I can't believe any of this!" She said, as she tried to control her tears. "I-I mean, he is awake, but he won't tell me anything. Then Pavarti told me that Healer Yates told Healer Manson about James, which probably mean he will be taking some sessions, but I want to be the one who helps him through, and Merlin, I just feel like a freaking terrible mother!" She explained, holding back her tears.

"All right, all right. You're not a terrible mother, Gin. We are going to help him, okay? I-I'll be over there in a second, all right. Ron has taken over for me." Harry spluttered out, before standing up, and ending the via-floo, and turning towards Florence. Before he could say anything to her, she looked up at him, and smiled, "I all ready postponed all your meetings till tomorrow, and the Minister of Magic agreed to move your meeting till Saturday. Go, your whole day is cleared."

Harry grinned, and nodded thanks, before grabbing a handful of floo powder, and stepping into the fireplace, before saying, "St. Mungo's," and throwing the powder down. Soon, he was engulfed in green flames, and he had no idea which way was up or down, until his feet were on the floor of another fireplace. Ginny was standing in front of the fire place, playing with her hair, which Harry guessed was a way to keep her emotions in.

He stepped out, and immediately hugged in, and placed his lips on her forehead, and mumbled, "Is he doing, okay?" Her only response was a small nod, and her arms snaking around him. He let out a deep sigh, as he tried to figure out something or anything to give him a clue to why James had been pushed to this point. From everything James told, and acted like, he was a normal happy boy. The only thing that stood out was the fight between Al and James...

"Do you think that one fight the boys had, caused this?" He asked curiously.

Ginny shrugged, "I thought of that too, when I was talking to Pavarti." She looked up into Harry's emerald eyes, and smiled a little. "Do you know what it was about?" Harry replied with the shake of his head. Ginny sighed, as she continued, "Yeah, neither of them will talk about it. I tried to get Lily to tell, but she told me no about of bribery would get her to tell... So it must be bad..."

Harry broke the hug, and looked down at Ginny, "Yeah, the way your mum described it, it was... Do you think there could be anything else? James isn't usually the kind of person to be pushed over the edge by a fight, unless he is pushed and pushed..." Harry mumbled.

Ginny shrugged, "I really don't know, love. I've never felt more clueless in my life... He won't talk to me, unless he uses his jokes to hide behind. He really doesn't want to tell..." She began leading the way towards the door to the hallway. "Do you think he'll talk to you?"

Harry shook his head, "He usually tell you things first, so if he does, I'd be amazed..." He sounded a tad hopeless, like there was no way to get James to speak.

At the exit of the room, Ginny began playing with her hair again, and nodded, "All right, well, go try at least. I should go via-floo Al and Lily at Mum's. They need to know that he's awake. I'm sure they will want to come talk to him." She kissed harry on the cheek lightly, before giving a smile of encouragement, before turning back around into the floo network room.

Harry quickly walked to the door of James's room, and opened it. He stepped inside, and gave a comforting smile at James. "Hey son," He mumbled, as he walked over to James's bed. James wore an annoyed expression on his face, and before Harry had the chance to ask, James announced, "I'm fine, Dad, okay?"

Harry gave him a nod, "All right, I never said you weren't."

"Yeah, well, I'm tired, so can you all leave me alone?" James asked, raising his eyebrows some. "Don't bother inviting Lily or Al, cause I don't plan on talking. I'm tired. I want to sleep. Please, just go away." He exhaled loudly, as he shifted his head so he was looking straight again.

Harry walked over to the edge of the bed, and replied, "You know, you can't hide from the question forever James."

"Who says I'm hiding? I'm fine! I just want to sleep," pleaded James.

"James, son," Harry cautiously sat on the edge of James's bed, "This hurts your mother and I to see you like this. We want to help you, but we can't unless you tell us... Please James..." Harry almost begged, letting the hurt strangle his words.

James laughed, and shook his head; "I love how you are concentrating all your attention on me, because of this. It's stupid, in my opinion. I told Mum I'd be fine. You know who needs your attention right now? Lily. I heard her crying the other night; something about rumors about her... I don't know all I know that she is hurting as well. You want to help someone? Help her." He told Harry in a calm voice. "Trust me, Dad, I'll be okay."

"James,"

"Go!" He pointed at the door, and waited for Harry to move.

Instead of someone leaving the room, like James really desired, three people entered the room. Lily ran to the side of James's bed, and sat upon it, asking every question that she could think of. Ginny walked over to Harry, and began discussing things about James that James could careless about. James focused on the last person that entered the room, Al. His younger brother, who he hated more than Harry and Scorpius, combined. He shook his head, and mouthed, 'Traitor,' to him, and glared, as Al hung his head.

"Jamie, you know I'm sorry," Al said, blinking back the tears in his eyes.

"Oh, bloody Merlin, don't give me that! You are just sorry that I found out!" James hissed, as he spit at Al.

"You don't know anything," accused Al.

"I know a bloody hell more than you," growled James back.

"Yeah, because you spend so much time reading and actually trying to learn," Al retaliated.

"Like that matters," yelled James on the top of his lungs.

"Maybe if you were smarter than none of this would have happened. Failures end up no where!"

"Albus Severus!" Ginny exclaimed, pointing her finger at him. "You apologize now."

James smirked, "No, don't. It'd only be a freaking lie. Just get out, all of you. Get out now." James tried to control himself, but he couldn't quit shaking. He was angry, upset, depressed, and hopeless. He wanted to be anywhere, but St. Mungo's, and he wished that his attempt was successful.

But no, he failed at that as well.

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><p><strong>R&amp;R please. All reviews are charished no matter how nasty they are. I like knowing my readers thoughts, so please tell me, so i can make a story enjoyable by you too.<strong>

**Hopefully, you all enjoyed it, because I honestly worked very hard on it. **

**-randomgirloutthere110**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry that the update took so long, and it's a tad short, so I'm sorry for that as well.**

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><p>The mood in the Burrow's kitchen was anything but normal. Ginny sat at the table with her head in her hands, as Harry leaned up against the wall, concentrating hard on his feet. Lily sat nervously in the chair across the table, unsure of what to say. Al would pace into the room, stand awkwardly for a moment, before pacing back out. He repeated the patterning subconsciously, as he recalled everything that led up to the event: the dreadful, painful event. Molly sat with her arm around Ginny's shoulder, trying to squeeze warm comfort into her daughter. It was all she could do, before for the first time anyone could remember, Molly herself was at a loss for words. Arthur stood next to Harry, cautiously glancing around at the members of the Potter family. The rest of the Weasley Clan was scattered around awkwardly, chatting in hushed whispers- confusion living in every word. Except for the few who knew some, but not all. No one but one knew all. That one happened to be the one in St. Mungo's: James.<p>

The fireplace burned bright green, as Charlie Weasley stepped inside the kitchen, analyzing everyone in it. He raised an eyebrow at Ginny, and asked, "I thought you'd be at St. Mungo's with," but before he could finish, she excused herself from the room and left. Harry followed her, with his head down. Al had stuck his head in to see who had arrived, but soon vanished alongside his parents. It left only Lily in the room, who returned Charlie's stare. She tucked a piece of her red hair behind her ear, and blinked her puffy, red eyes, before mumbling quietly.

"James has banned us from visiting him." The sound of her voice disappeared as quick as it was there.

Charlie furrowed his eyebrow, before looking around and asking, "Can he even do that?"

Lily shrugged, but it was Hermione who answered.

"If he tells the Healers that he wishes for no visitors, and since previous records of them visiting left James worked up, Healers believe that they need to support his decision, until they can get farther information out from him or the few children," She looked sharply over at Freddie, Hugo, and Louis, who were hovering in a corner together, "who refuse to tell us what events took place."

"Mum, I all ready told you, we can't tell you! It's between Al and James and we are not in the position to say anything. Plus, it'd only make things worse," Hugo stated defensively, catching his mother's stare.

"Hugo, you git!" Louis yelled, as Freddie hit him on the back of his head. "Way to go!"

"Hey, hey! Freddie stop hitting your cousin!" Molly yelled, as she turned in her chair to face them. "Now, Hugo, love, what did you say about Al and James?"

Hugo's eyes were wide, as he stared back at his Grandmother. He scrambled to his feet quickly, before trying to rush out of the room, but Ron had blocked the doorway. Hugo gulped, as he turned to look at everyone.

"I-I can't tell you. You all ready know to much..." Hugo's face whitened, as he began to stare at nothing in general, just avoiding their eyes. "...He is going to hurt me..." He gulped quietly. Why couldn't he disappear?

"Who is going to hurt you Hugo? What is he talking about?" questioned Bill, as he nudged Louis on the arm in a way to tell his son to speak up. Louis only shook his head, and tried to blend into the wall.

"Hugo Arthur! Look at me right now!" Hermione ordered; her voice sharp and strong.

It appeared almost painful for Hugo to turn his head towards her, but he did, slowly. He gulped, "Yes M-Mum?"

There was an intense stare-down between the mother and son, before finally she asked through gritted teeth, "Explain. Now."

"W-Well,"

The fireplace engulfed in green flames again, as Neville Longbottom stumbled out of them clutching a copy of the Daily Prophet. He glanced around the room quickly, before asking in slurred and rushed words, "Ginny, Harry, where they at?"

Ron nodded towards the doorway to the rest of the house. "Why?"

Hugo thanked Merlin, as everyone seemed to forget about him. He returned to his corner with Freddie and Louis, and watched quietly.

"T-They have to read the Daily Prophet! I know they normally don't, but they have to! I brought the copy and they have to read it! I-It's James, he is on the cover! Someone at St. Mugo's is leaking information about his_... issue..." Neville spoke frantically, waving his hands around. He shoved the copy in Ron's face, whose eyes almost bulged out of his head. "What the bloody hell? Harry, Ginny, get in here now!" He roared._

Not long after, Harry, followed by a teary-eyed Ginny, entered the room. His own emerald eyes were glossed with tears, and were stained red. He looked at Ron like he had lost his mind. "What?"

"The Prophet's got James on the cover," He said. Immediately, Harry ripped the paper from his best mate's hands, and began reading out loud without registering it.

**The Chosen One: He Can Save the Entire Wizarding World, But Not Able to Save His Own Son?**

**Earlier last week, rumors were making their way through the wizarding community about the eldest Potter child, James Sirius Potter, being rushed to St. Mungo's. I can honestly tell you that it is true, but why is what shocks us all the most. An InsideSource tells us all when we go in to investigate the sixteen-year-old's story. The InsideSource revealed that Potter had been rushed to St. Mungo's after (caution: younger readers may be alarmed by this) attempting suicide by slicing several deep cuts into his wrists. Sources say that his parents found him sitting in the bathroom (after barging in) with the weapon still in hand. They then rushed him to St. Mungo's where he had stayed unconscious for several hours. **

**Upon awaking, he had a blowout with his mother and then with the rest of his family. He refuses to tell why he had attempted to take his own life. Healer's said he appeared to be in prefect condition, and is now responding well, however he still refuses to give out any information. Thus, the InsideSource tells us it leaves the Healers only one choice, which is to keep him in intensive care till he is ready to open up, and will start meeting with Healer Manson with therapy everyday for an hour session. He will be forced to Teen Session every Saturday, which is a teen group who supports each other through the mental issues they have. **

**Our InsideSource says that she is one of the few people who knew what truly went on, and that she was a close friend to the confused Potter boy. She tells us, "I could honestly see this coming for many years now. He is mental, and it's scary. He gets upset so easily, and that is what really did this to him. Perhaps, that is why he pushed me away, but I still watched from the sidelines. He got his heart torn to pieces and that was what pushed him over the edge, finally. However, if you ask me, he is just seeking attention. Isn't that what all Potters do? Seek for attention and pray to end up in the spotlight. James is the one to seek the lowest. He was always the worst one of the bunch." **

**She then concluded that she would be keeping us updated on his case. Now, we shall leave you with this: Is Potter an attention seeking, angst filled teen or is this just a practical joke created for publicity? **

__Article by Estelle Scavenger__

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><p>The graying sky calmed him, as he stared down at his barely burning fire. He crumbled the article in the Prophet up in his hand, before tossing it in. Soon enough it was burned up and all that was left of it was ashes. The moon burned down. The stars were pellet-like shooting down at him. He blinked only a few times, before marking the fire down in his mind. Next time, there wouldn't be anything left of him to save. Next time, he would be only ash. Next time, he'd succeed. Flicking his lighter on, he grinned at the warming flame. He only had a little bit of time before they would find him. There was no point in running, just temporary hiding away from them. He glanced down at his healing wrist, wanting to tear them apart again. He couldn't. He had to look like he was healing, so he'd be released, before he could try again. He had to try again. The world was playing some sort of cynical joke on him and he wanted out of it. So, if the world wouldn't quit, he would.<p>

"Nice place to take a nighttime stroll to, don't you think. This has to be my favorite part of the whole place."

James turned to come face to face with a middle-aged man. He had round, blue eyes and graying brown hair that matched the scruffy beard upon his chin. James tried to figure out who the man was, but couldn't match his face up to anyone he knew from the place. He quickly hung his head, assuming it was a Healer, coming to drag him back inside.

"Don't be frightened, I am a patient in this place to," the man spoke calmly, with a friendly grin upon his wrinkling face.

"Who are you?" Question swam in James's voice.

"Call me Manson, and if you would, come take a stroll with me around the courtyard. It's such a pretty place." He nodded his head slightly, and began to walk off into the night, without a response from James.

Not positive if he was hallucinating or not, James ran to catch up with the man. He prayed that he wasn't loosing his mind. It was the last thing he needed at the moment. The very last thing...

"What are you here for?" James asked between gasps for airs, once he had caught up. The fresh air stung his nostrils till they were burning almost.

Manson didn't look at him and remained silent for multiple seconds, before breathing, "Hush child, no speaking. Just listen..."

"To what?"

Manson responded by placing his pointer finger to his lips. He then glanced up at the sky, focusing on the stars. A soft breeze blew rustling the trees' branches and tracing through the grass. Just as it began, it ended leaving the world still, but not silent. The soft hoot of owls was blasting to a melodic tune, as the crickets emphasized their own part to the song. Frogs began croaking to a rhythmic pattern, and the wind rustled the branches again. Everything seemed prefect, peaceful. James felt happy, something he hadn't felt in a while, as the men walked farther into the peaceful world. Is that why they man loved that spot so much? Everything came into harmony...

"Do you hear that?" The man smiled in the dim moonlight.

James nodded, still amazed by what he was hearing.

"Do you know what that is?"

James shrugged, "Owls...The wind... Crickets..." He named off everything he heard around him.

Manson chuckled, apparently amused.

"Yes, very true, but no."

"No?"

"Yes, no. What you hear is not one thing, it is many things, boy. It is life... the side of life people tend to forget... the better half."

A silence stung between them, before James had the courage to ask. He didn't want to know the truth, but knew he had to find it out. He cleared his throat quietly.

"You aren't a patient, are you?" He cringed at the question and the way he had asked it. His nerves were visible within every word.

Manson smiled and stared at him for a moment, before replying, "You are a smart boy, James. Very intelligent."

"W-Why did you lie to me?" He wandered, figuring that he couldn't escape the man now. He had to face him. Manson turned out to be only another liar in his life and he was stuck out in the middle of a courtyard with him. He hated liars. He began shifting in his spot, his eyes darting around to look at everything at once. He avoided Manson.

"If I told you the truth, how I am a Healer in the psyche department, would you have come with me?" He asked, all ready knowing the answer.

"Hell no." James spat out.

"Of course not," Healer Manson chuckled, "I wouldn't have either."

James fell silent, as he registered everything in his head. He connected pieces of the puzzle together in his head, before mumbling quietly, "You are going to be my Healer?"

Manson nodded his head.

James shook his head, as he turned around and began making his way back to the hospital. He didn't say much, but his actions screamed that he wanted to be anywhere but there. He turned sharply after a few yards, and said, "You aren't like the other Healers here."

Manson smiled, "Is that good or bad?"

James glanced down on his feet, before locking eyes with the man. He hardened his stare, studying the man. His eyes became slits, as he mumbled, "I'm not sure."

With that, James returned back to the entrance of the hospital, escorting himself back to his room. He had no idea what to think, so he tried to recapture the musical the world had played for him. He tried to remember every note exactly, and soon fell asleep listening to the encore of the symphony in his head.

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><p><strong>It's not my best work, but it is something. Remember I cherish everything review, even hate ones, because they all help my writing in the long run. If you have any ideas or questions don't be afraid to message me. I do not bite... most of the time anyway. xP Anyway, I wanted to post this before I went to sleep so please be kind on my spelling and grammar. I am tired, but yeah. I reread it, but I may have missed a few spots.<strong>

**Anyway, please R & R,**

**-randomgirloutthere110**

**P.S. How do you like the way I introduced Healer Manson?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ah, Chapter 4 is complete. Sorry if there is grammar and spelling issues, I hope it is okay. I'm sick at the moment, and wanted to publish it, but I'm too lazy to look over it. :D Yay for lazyness! No, not really, but sure...**

**Anyway, thank you all for your kind reviews they mean the world to me and that is why I wrote this next chapter so quickly, plus I feel like the story is getting good, what do you think?**

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><p>After being forced to stay at the Burrow till morning, Ginny rushed off to bed to make the night go by as fast as she could. She needed to talk to her son, she knew how bad articles got to him and needed to know if he had read it. She knew that most likely he had. It was just like James to collect every article about him, the good, bad, and okay ones. All of them. He kept them in a cardboard box beneath his bed. Multiple times she had caught him cleaning out the good and okay articles, but he always left the bad untouched. She told him that it wasn't good to keep them that they would only cause him pain in the long run. He disregarded everything she told him. She knew that this would cause problems for him... Could she have prevented the event if she had forced him to get rid of the bad ones? Could that tie into his reason why?<p>

She lay awake for hours, pondering, until Harry crept in an hour after midnight. He changed as quietly as he could and slipped into the bed next to her. She shifted her position finally, and turned to face him. Tears stained her rosy cheeks, which were barely visible in the streams of moonlight that gushed into the room from the half-open window. Harry brushed a piece of Ginny's red hair out of her face, and asked in a whisper, "I figured that you would have been asleep all ready, love." His breath clinged to a thick smell of alcohol, which Ginny figured the men had after everyone else went to bed. However, Harry's breath wasn't drowned that much right after the war, when he had some drinking problems.

Ginny shrugged, "How do you expect me to sleep when James is... is... you know? I keep remembering things that could be the cause of it... I-I just don't know." Her voice was a soft whisper, and she quietly choked back sobs.

Harry changed the way he lay, so he was staring at the ceiling instead of his wife. He sighed, and ran a hand threw his messy, raven hair. "I know... I keep remembering times as well... Like that time when I chose Al to come on the business trip instead of him."

Ginny stared at her husband, and took a hold of his hand. His hand was soft, yet rough with calluses. It warmed her, knowing he was there with her. She bit her lip, debating whether or not to speak. She decided to just lie there and listen to him. He had been keeping to himself even more recently, and it was frightening Ginny. She knew what happened to Harry when he started blaming himself. It wasn't anything good. He was so used to saying it was his fault that every bump on the road made him feel guilty.

"Then, there was that time when I took Al and Lily out to by new brooms, and didn't get anything for James, though he was the one asking for the brooms... I mean, I would have taken him, but he was spending the summer over in Hungry at that exchange muggle thing..." Harry sighed. He rubbed his thumb against the back of Ginny's hand, as he thought up more possible reasons.

"Remember that Father/Son Weekend thing the Ministry had and they only allowed me to take one son, so I took Al? Do you think that bothered James? I didn't ask, because he seemed to try and avoid me and I thought he'd say no. I couldn't bare it if he had said no. I just couldn't..." Harry froze, and turned to meet Ginny's warming brown eyes- the same eyes James had. He began to stutter, his face paling with every word, "D-D-Do you t-think that I've been n-neglecting," Harry cringed at the sound of the word, "James? Do you?"

Ginny took her hand from Harry's and moved it up to his cheek, which was rough with whiskers, and rubbed it gently with her thumb. He could see the wheels in her mind reel, as she tried to think of the prefect wording. She shrugged, finally, and replied, "If you are, than I am too... I always assumed Lily is the one that wants to go with me, instead of James and Al. I mean, I didn't figure that they'd want to hang out with their mum. I know that Ron loathed going places with Mum when we were younger... I-Is that neglect?" Her eyes were glossy, as tears began to peak out of their hiding spot.

Harry took her hand off his cheek and kissed it, before leaning down and kissing her softly. He placed his forehead against her's, and gave a small, forced smile. It was impossible to comfort someone when you felt as guilty, hopeless, and empty as they did. Harry just wanted to break, but what would that do for the sane of his family. Al and Lily needed him, and James needed him as well. James may pretend he didn't want his family, but if Harry knew his son at all, James was testing them to see how far they'd go for him. That was James.

He kissed her lips once more, before retreating, and lying back again. He mumbled in a hushed manner, "We'll go and see if we can talk to him in the morning. Night love."

"Harry," Ginny asked quietly, "How is Al? Did you check on him before you came here? Hugo said that it was something between Al and James... Some of the problem was... Al seems really troubled by it all... Last thing we need is another one to... you know... try it..."

Harry sighed, "Yeah, when I went to check on him, he looked asleep. However, he may have been faking. He'll be fine. If he does anything Hugo will catch him. Hugo hardly sleeps recently. Hermione says that everything really hit him hard... By the sounds of it, more than Lily..."

Ginny nodded, "Yeah, Hermione suspects that Hugo is hiding something... She doesn't know what though, however, if I know Hermione, she will have the case cracked in a few days." She let out a light chuckle at the thought of her sister-in-law.

Harry smiled, "Yeah, plus Ron is interrogating Hugo repeatedly, and Hugo isn't good under pressure."

Ginny shook her head, "That will never work. Molly says that if Hugo had to choose between dying and telling someone's secret, than we better start digging him a grave. He is impossible to break, Rose even said that. Apparently, Rose thinks of Hugo as her living diary."

Harry frowned, "Oh, well hopefully we'll get a lead on something soon."

She rolled her eyes, and turned away from him. "You make it sound like some kind of Auror case."

Harry scouted up behind her, and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm sorry..." He whispered in her ear. "Bad habit..." He kissed her neck softly.

She shrugged, "Whatever, let's get some sleep please. I want this night to be over."

"I love you."

"Yeah, love you too."

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><p>"Albus, what are you mumbling?" Hugo asked, sitting up in his bed. His auburn hair was a mess and sticking up everywhere. He rubbed sleep out of his eyes, and blinked. He tried hard to see his cousin on the other side of the dark room. After a moment, he was able to make out Al's silhouette. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, feet dangling around. His arms were locked at his sides, holding on the end of his bed. Al's breaths were heavy and thick, as he mumbled various things in between the pants. Eventually, one of his hands reached up and scratched his neck, before returning into it's locked position. Hugo wasn't sure whether to interrupt his cousin's deep thoughts, or try and help. He had helped out many times before, however, he was never there to help out when it exploded into pieces. He promised-swore- not to tell anyone... Just like James' problems... Hugo wanted to tell, his heart begged him to betray his cousin for the sake of James, but Hugo couldn't get himself too. Why couldn't he help? Why? Why? Why? He wasn't making the mistake of staying silent anymore. Whenever someone brought up information that could be vital, than Hugo swore to himself that he was at least give clues to what was going on, if he couldn't straight up tell an adult.<p>

"Al?" Hugo asked again, scooting out of the blankets and over to the edge of his bed. The wooden floor felt cool beneath his feet, as he stood to his feet. He was surprised Al hadn't turned to look at him, from the creeks of the springs in Hugo's bed. It was the bed that his father had slept in for his childhood. Ron insisted that Hugo slept in it when they visited the Burrow, even though it was the must uncomfortable thing. Wanting to please his father, he slept on it, and dealt with the pain in a silent matter with his mum.

Hugo finally balanced himself, and began tiptoeing over to his cousin. He approached Al, so they would be face to face with each other. "Al? C'mon mate, answer me. What's wrong?" Hugo asked various questions, as the worst came to him mind. That always happened to him. He despised it. He made it close enough to Al, to place a hand on his shoulder. Hugo could now make out words like "no" and "forced," coming out of Al's mouth, between the pants. Hugo placed a hand on Al's shoulder, and instantly felt an abnormal amount of sweat seek on to it. He frowned at it in disgust, but smiled when Al seemed to connect that Hugo was there.

"Go away? Why aren't you asleep?" growled Al, as he looked in the eyes of his cousin.

"You kept mumbling stuff. I couldn't get to sleep, because of it." Hugo said, lying for the reason of his sleep problem.

Al shrugged Hugo's hand off his shoulder, and nodded, before looked away. He climbed back on to his bed, and under the covers, before mumbling, "It was just a nightmare... I'll be fine. Trust me, Hugs."

Hugo didn't retreat. He stayed put.

"I think that the nightmare was something more than you are telling me."

"Hugo, I'm fine. Just go to sleep." Al rolled around in his bed, before letting out a deep sigh.

Hugo remained silent, but sat down on the edge of Al's bed. He played with the stitching in the blanket, as he gave Al some space. He knew from past experiences that repeatedly shooting questions doesn't help the problem at all. It just made the person bundle things up more, in fear of accidentally speaking of their secrets. Al continued moving around letting Hugo know that Al wanted to scream out his problem, but was trying to keep it locked up. Hugo knew Al would crack eventually, and hopefully venting to Hugo would help him stay away from James' choices.

"Hugo, mate, seriously, just leave me alone!"

"No."

"Why not?" Al asked, sitting up.

"Because you are acting just like James did... I'm not making the same mistake twice." Hugo said it in a rather matter-of-fact voice that was iced in guilt and pain that made his throat ache. He looked up from the stitch in the blanket and saw Al's face soften. Al's eyes had an endless depth to them that stared blankly at the wall, as the emerald sparkled with the misery of memories.

"I'm what made him do it, wasn't I?" Al's voice was nothing more than a quiet whisper in the nighttime air.

Hugo stared at Al, and gathered all the courage he could capture.

"I'm not lying to you Al."

Al let out a faint whimper that Hugo acting to not hear. he knew that'd just make Al feel even worse.

Hugo cleared his throat, quietly, before saying, "Yes, what you did cause him to do it. However, James wouldn't have done it if he wasn't pushed and pushed and pushed, until he finally met his breaking point. James has been struggling with this for longer than either one of us know... James used to talk to me all the time. He joked and told me that I needed to become a psyche healer, he'd say that I could help him through anything. As time went on, he began talking to me less and in shorter periods... I had a hunch... I just didn't say anything... Eventually, he began bottling everything up... Eventually, he quit talking to me at all... Then, this happened." Hugo paused and looked up at Al.

"Please, please don't distance yourself from everyone else... That's the last thing anyone in this family needs to do right now..."

Al remained silent, looking down at the blanket. He nodded stiffly, and replied after what felt like years.

"You knew, but you didn't tell?" His voice caged disbelief and anger.

Hugo looked down as well, gulping a lump down his throat. He stuttered, "I-I e-expected..."

"And you didn't tell?" Al's rage was raising now.

It was Hugo's turn to nod stiffly.

"You could have saved him!"

"He isn't dead! He is alive!"

"Well, James won't talk to me anymore!"

"That is not my fault, Al. You set yourself up to fail, and you know what's funny? When Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny asked who drank all the alcohol and cast the protective charm, James was the one who claimed to do it. Remember what fight that caused? James' and Uncle Harry's worst fight ever!" Hugo stopped and swallowed his anger, before continuing in a hushed, calm tone. "Al, you can't erase the past. You have to realize that or this family is going to break apart in the palms of our hands. I can help you fix it, if you let me. I won't promise you that James will forgive you, but he will calm down and learn to slowly let you back into his life again. It won't be right off the bat, but eventually it could happen."

Al bit his lip, and sighed. Hugo could tell by the way that Al was shielding his face that he was crying softly. Hugo placed a hand on his cousin's shoulder, and squeezed it in comfort. Al sat with his head din his hands, tears running down his face like crisp razors cutting away the barrier that Al had built up. Hugo watched silently, in hope that Al would let Hugo help him. After a long, awkwardly comforting silence, Al sniffed, before wiping away his tears. He prayed that Hugo hadn't noticed, but deep down he knew he did. He looked up at his younger brother and lightly laughed, "When did you get so smart?"

Hugo shrugged, "I guess when I started learning from my mistakes..."

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><p>The smell of a freshly baked breakfast swarmed through the old house. Molly Weasley was slaving over a hot stove with the assistance of magic. Bill was the first to wake and stumble into the room, his hair messy and sleep still in the corner of his eyes. Fleur followed him, looking as elegant as usual, alongside their daughters Victoire and Dominique. Victoire took a piece of toast and bit into to, as she leaned against the counter. She coughed a little, choking on a bit of bread crumbs, before saying, "Teddy owled me this morning saying that he'll be coming sometime today. He feels horrible about not being here sooner, however, training has kept him busy."<p>

Bill gazed up from the paper he was reading, and half-smiled at his eldest daughter. "I can imagine him feeling bad, James looked up to him more than anyone."

Victoire nodded and brushed her hands off on her pants.

"Do you think that James will want to talk to Teddy?" questioned Dominique, as she began to help set the table.

"Oho, zat'd be wondzful, don't you agree?" Fleur smiled, as she took a hold of Bill's hand.

Molly shook her head, as she added some spices to the food in the frying pan. "It'd be a miracle for James to talk to Teddy. It may go down better than with Harry and Ginny, but it won't be good."

Bill gave his mother a confused look.

"Grandmum is right. Teddy wrote in his letter about some sort of fight that they had before Teddy had left. He said it'd be a miracle if James had forgiven him," piped Victoire, as she took some plates from Dominique.

The room fell silent, as Harry and Ginny walked in. They were all ready dressed, and heading towards the fireplace. Before reaching for floo powder, Ginny turned to face her mother. "We are going to see if James will let us talk to him, or at least see him. We didn't wake Lily and Al up, so tell them when they come down here, so they aren't worried." She tucked a piece of her red hair behind her ear as she talked. Her words were rushed and she didn't pay much attention to anyone else in the room.

Molly sighed, "All right love, but who knows what the outcome will be. Hopefully, it is good."

Ginny nodded, grabbing the floo powder and leading Harry into the fireplace. They went up in green flames and the world twisted and curved until they appeared in another fireplace. They stepped out and dusted themselves off, before walking out of the room and into the hallway. They found the nearest Help Center and Harry asked, "We are hear to visit James S. Potter."

The Healer, who was rather plump and wrinkled, studied them from behind her rectangular glasses, before waving her wand and retrieving James' medical information. She read the piece of paper, before shaking her head and turning to Harry and Ginny. She cleared her throat and removed her glasses, before saying, "I'm afraid I can't allow you that permission. Mr. Potter has requested for no visitors during his stay. However, he may change his mind,"

"Yeah, yeah, we've heard it all before..." Ginny grumbled, her anger raising. Harry squeezed her hand in hopes that she would calm down, but she yanked her hand away from his hand. She placed on hands on the top of the counter and leaned in close to the worker. She whispered in a harsh tone, "I am his mother. Let me see my son."

The Healer shook her head, "I'm sorry ma'am, but for the sake of your son I cannot allow that."

Harry caught eye contact with the worker and begged, "Please, just for a second? To make sure he is okay?"

"No."

"What if we just peaked inside his room?"

"No."

"Walked by his room and peaked in the window thing?"

"No."

"You can come to his therapy session." A voice from behind them announced.

The couple turned around to see a mid-aged Healer, clipboard in hand, smiling at them. He reached his hand out for them to shake it. Harry and Ginny took their turn shaking it, giving questionable looks in the process. The man chuckled, "How rude of me? I forgot to introduce myself. I am the infamous Healer Manson. I overheard your little argument over hear, and decided to use you in today's session." He paused for a moment, before asking, "You are James Sirius Potter's parents correct? Of course you are, you are Harry Potter." He added, nodded in Harry's direction.

"Erm, yes. What do you mean by use us in today's session?" Ginny asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, "Does it matter as long as you get to see your son?"

Ginny looked over at Harry, who simply shrugged, then left it up to Ginny to answer. She nodded after a moment or two. "I guess you're right. It doesn't matter."

"Manson! I will report you if you take them to see him! There are strict rules by his doctor," The Healer from behind the desk began to yell.

"I am his doctor now, Mel, so there shouldn't be a problem." Healer Manson stated, a grin playing on his lips.

Mel opened her mouth to say something more, but closed it and shook her head one last time. "You better know what you are doing."

"You don't get the title of head Therapist is you don't," assured Manson, before turning on his heal and walking down the hall.

Harry and Ginny took this as a sign to follow him, so they did. Manson hummed some sort of tune himself as he led them down the hall. He nodded his head at various other healers as he passed them, a grin on his face. After walking up several flights of stairs, and passing the same door, he stopped outside room 1106, James' room. He cleared his throat, and leaned into them, keeping his voice a low whisper.

"Before I let you in here, you must promise me one thing. You shall not talk at all. This is James' first session, and I want to see his reactions to a few things. Saying that, that's the reason I brought you here. I want to see his reaction to you two. Be prepared for a bad reaction, because requesting no visitors is never a good sign. Don't take anything seriously, because he is trying his best to keep himself built up. He appears to me through his records that he is one to want to keep thing built up and when something is leaked he feels like he looses control of everything. Well, that's all I got from him through his records and our quick unofficial meeting last night, but that's besides the point." He stared Harry in the eyes and then Ginny, before saying, "From this point on and after I walk into this room I am sworn to secretary until session five, when I will give you a small update of him. I may be able to set up another appointment where you are in there with me, however, that is only if you do not talk. No speaking at all, unless I give you permission, which is rare. Not even a slight hello. Understand?"

"Yes," Harry nodded, same as Ginny.

Healer Manson smiled wider, if that was even possible, before pushing open the door and giving them the 'one minute' hand motion.

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><p><strong>R&amp;R please. It means so much to me.<strong>

**Oh, and in your review would you mind answering a few questions for me?**

**1. Do you like the way I am writing this? Like how I'm showing a bit of everyone or do you want me to focus more on a certain person?**

**2. Is the plot or Chapters confusing at all?**

**3. Any ideas for future chapters? Short-term ideas or long-term, whichever. :D**

**All right, thanks against for reading.**

**-randomgirloutthere110**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the late update. I have came to the conclusion that I will update this story every Friday, and if that isn't possible, I will update either Thursday or Saturday, but hopefully I'll get a chapter a week. I feel as though the stroy is getting good. Oh, and thanks for all the kind reviews from all of you. (:**

**Anyway, here you go.**

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><p>James sat up in his bed a little, when he noticed the door swing open. Soon, Manson was standing in front of him with a nervous grin. James nodded slowly to say hello, as he relaxed back into his bed. He yawned, "I thought you were my parents," as he adjusted his position on his bed to a more comfortable one.<p>

Manson gave a small chucked, as he sat on the edge of James' bed. He looked around at the room's contents. There was a wooden side table that had a clutter of flower vases on it. There was an overwhelming amount of flowers varying from roses to lilies to violets to heathers and more. Manson concluded that James figured that he'd be there for a while, for James had posted a few posters of his favorite Quidditch team on the bleached wall. There was only one window in his room that was barred shut. It was a precaution the hospital had to do to be sure that James would not attempt suicide again. The window overlooked the bundle of trees that clung on to each other in the green forest. It was remarkable scenery for such a sad room.

"Speaking of you parents, I brought them here to see you. There are waiting just outside your door," said Manson, as he studied the reaction on James' face.

He thought that the boy's eyes were going to pop out of his head. James's face paled to a shade that was twice of light as normal and his jaw dropped some. It was the typical reaction when Manson told his patient that his or her least favorite thing or person was about to come into the room. However, with James, a particular gesture stood out bolder than the rest. His eyes glanced fearfully over at the door as though he was awaiting Death to come through it. The wires were cut to the connection and Manson had nothing to help him figure out why, but he was determined to.

"Now, I went over a few rules that,"

"No," James stated loudly. He wasn't going to be persuaded into any other answer.

Manson deeply sighed, "Now, James, you need to listen to me."

"No. They aren't coming in here." The power in James' voice rang out through his words and shattered Manson's plans a bit more.

"But they need to. Ah, let me speak," Manson demanded, when James opened his mouth to interrupt the Healer again. James looked as if he was going to protest, but retreated with a dark frown.

"Good," said Manson, before saying, "Don't you think it's fair to your parents to let them see you? You think that they should all ready understand, but that is all lies. Truth is that no one understands why you did what you did. No one, but that doesn't mean they don't want to. When I met up with your parents they were trying everything they could to see you, they want to understand what's wrong, thus letting them in for this first session won't do any harm."

"It will for me," grumbled James, as he folded his arms across his chest.

Manson shook his head, "You keep lying to yourself and when you are ready to be truthful, maybe we can actually sort this all out," Manson mischievously grinned, "But I'm not leaving until we do. Neither will they," He nodded his head in the direction of the door.

James looked down for a moment contemplating what the Healer had just said. After a moment, he looked up and asked, "What did I say have anything to do with lying?"

His eyes stared hard and cold at Manson. It was almost made chills race up Manson's spine. The longer James stared at Manson, the deeper he could see into James. His eyes were not cold, but glossy like tears had been falling out of them recently. The lower eyelid on both eyes was swollen and the veins were blood red. Then, it hit Manson. James wasn't angry with his parents. He wanted to see them. He was just hurt and ashamed of himself and he didn't think he could face them. At least, that was what Manson thought… Everyone got the diagnosis wrong eventually…

Manson adjusted his posture so he was leaning over towards James a bit more. He stared directly into James's eyes, as he said, "Tell me how you felt when I mentioned your parents were outside your door."

James stared back at Manson for a moment longer, before shrugging. He broke the eye contact and became awfully interested in the flowers on the side table next to his bed. He mumbled quietly to himself, before speaking up loud enough for Manson to hear him.

"I was angry, upset… I asked my healer to keep them away from me… then you said they could come and see me? That's cruel." His lips curved, so he was sneering at the Healer.

Manson nodded. He took a moment to let silence dance among them, before murdering the moment with the sound of his voice that was so confident.

"But you aren't really angry, are you? You actually want to see your parents, but you are just,"

James smirked, "Nah, I'm pretty sure I don't want to see my parents. I'm a lot happier without them, well without Dad."

There was a heavy concentration of hatred and anger boiling in his voice that it couldn't help but swarm around in Manson's mind. James had been looking straight at Manson when he had spoke that it was impossible for Manson to not see the hate in the boy's eyes. Perhaps, what Manson had thought was wrong. Maybe James was actually angry with his parents, but Manson detected a bit of hatred for himself as well. Only time could reveal the real problem.

"All right, all right. I believe you," said Manson in a sedate voice.

James rolled his eyes and shook his head, "No you don't. Now who's lying?"

Manson ignored James's last statement, and continued with his original plan. He stood up from the bed and walked over to the door, before saying clearly, "I told your parents that they aren't allowed to say a word, unless I give them permission. So, if they do speak they will be thrown out of the session."

James shrugged a little. The idea of his parents not being able to say a word to him without being called on to speak made him feel a bit better inside. How did Manson expect him to open and tell everyone everything if James wasn't even sure if he could trust Manson? He wasn't even sure if he could trust himself… He had been hiding the feelings for so long he was afraid to bring them back up again and this time face them. It didn't sound appealing to James.

Manson opened the door and motioned for Ginny and Harry to step in. James inhaled deeply when he laid eyes on his father. They made eye contact and for a split second emerald and chocolate were swirled together. However, as quickly as it rose, it crumbled into pieces like everything else had been doing recently.

Ginny apprehensively watched James. She tried to understand this side of her son. She had always been able to read him, until now. She was clueless and hopeless. She wasn't sure what road to go down next and blamed herself for not seeing the signs. She tried to remember that he was still alive and that she had a second chance to fix things, but how could she do that when he wouldn't speak of anything to anyone? She prayed Healer Manson got through to him eventually.

"Can we start this, so we can finish it and they can leave," asked James, as he glimpsed down at his bandaged arm.

Where would he start? How did the story even go? What was the reason behind it? He could come up with thousands. Should he mention the deal with Al? He did everything he could to protect his brother and then he caught Al red-handed. Al betrayed him and people expected him to be all right? He would never forgive his brother for that… He could only think one thing when it came to the other reason… Don't even get me started on Dad.

"I guess now is as good as ever," said Manson as he leaned against a wall.

"Thank you," mumbled James under his breath.

Harry usually wouldn't hesitate to admonish James for his sass to the Healer, but kept under control. He couldn't loose it with James today or it'd ruin the only chance he got to see his son. If he got Ginny and him kicked out, he didn't think Ginny would ever forgive him.

"Now, James, why don't you tell me how your typical day at school was like?" Manson decided he'd start with easy questions, until the whole thing started to warm up to everyone. He needed to slowly ease James into trusting people again.

"Well," James scratched his head as he thought. This question didn't seem too bad to him. It wouldn't tell anything about why and why wasn't being asked, so he could deal with the situation. Only if it stayed like that though.

"I'd go to my classes, hang out with Freddie and Louis and my other mates, then went to Quidditch, did some homework. Just boring, normal stuff." James shrugged multiple times, as he tried to figure things to say.

Manson nodded, listening intensely to every word that James said, and studying every move James made. He tried reading into everything James did, because sometimes that unleashed the most important details.

"I noticed your Quidditch posters. You enjoy playing it?" asked Manson.

"Yeah, I want to play professionally when I graduate." James had a goofy grin on his face like he always wore when he thought about Quidditch. The feeling of flying did something to him. It made him feel like everything wasn't what it seemed. It let him escape reality for hours at a time. Once he landed though, everything came back and hit him at once.

"That's a great goal. So, what position do you play?" Manson scratched his chin as he spoke.

James looked at his parents, who both wore confused expressions, but remained silent. It reassured him that he wasn't the only lost person in the room. He stared at Manson a moment, before asking, "What does have to do with anything? I mean, don't take this, as I want to talk about anything, because I _don't_ and I _won't_, but isn't this supposed to talk about… you know…" He glimpsed down at his bandaged arm again.

Manson chuckled, "Well, I'm just trying to get to know you a little better. You know, so we can warm up to each other, because our little conversations before weren't too friendly. I don't want to be seen as a Healer, I want to be seen as a friend."

He didn't add the part that James bringing up the whole not wanting to talk about it, but curious why they weren't let Manson know that James enjoyed people asking him why, in an absurd way. Manson predicted that James wanted people to ask why, so he felt cared about, but dreaded it, because he didn't want to speak about it. Eventually, it would all be revealed, eventually…

The Potters all nodded, as though they had all asked the same question. James frowned when he noticed that he did the same thing as his parents. He tried to be as different as he could from them. He hated being connected back to them.

Knowing that it would strike a nerve in his parents, he said, "Don't expect to be my friend. You will never be my friend. You are just a Healer and that's all." He understood how much his father hated when he was disrespectful.

Harry opened his mouth as though he was going to say something, but Ginny took a hold of his hand and squeezed it, as though she was begging him not to. Harry shut his mouth slowly. It pained him to be quiet, but he would be for Ginny's and James' sake. Manson seemed to see the whole thing as intriguing, because he watched them with great interest.

"James, making cheap remarks at your father in hopes that he talks is not acceptable. I will allow them to talk if you keep doing so," clarified Manson, as he gave James a stern look.

Rolling his eyes, James slouched a bit more. He had been figured out. He cursed at himself quietly beneath his breath.

"Now, like I asked before, what position do you play?" wondered Manson, letting his attention be evenly distributed between the three Potters.

"Chaser." James didn't sound to excited about his placement.

Raising his eyebrow, Manson walked over to the edge of James' bed. He studied the faces around him, before stating, "You don't sound to enthusiastic about it."

"I'm not," shrugged James, as he glimpsed over at his father.

"Care to tell me why?"

James opened his mouth to speak what he had wanted to shout for years, but nothing came out. He stared at Harry hopelessly, knowing that it was no use now. It was old news for it had happened before James was even in Hogwarts. He had only been eight and Albus was seven. How could something from so long ago pain him still? It was the first time James knew for sure that Albus was better than him, which meant he was the favorite. The favorite was always the best one. Al would forever be the favorite to the Professors, neighbors, journalists, and his father. There was nothing he could do about it. Nothing.

_The stairs, dinning room, the back door were all factors of his escape. He'd have to slip through every one of them before he was finally underneath the blazing sun. He grinned victoriously, as he strolled over to the shed and unlocked it with his father's key. Harry had given him permission to set the equipment up while the rest finished dressing. James opened the heavy, wooden door, careful to not get a splinter from the chipped wood. His warm, brown eyes lit up at the sight of the brooms. There was his father's, mother's, James', and Al's brand new one that he had received for his birthday the previous July day. Harry and Ginny had finally decided that Al was old enough to get a kid broom. Of course- just like James' broom- it only rose four and a half feet in the air, but it was enough to make the two young boys happy. _

_James carried four brooms -with quite difficulty- out to the middle of their small Quidditch pitch. He then went back to the shed to drag the heavy chest of balls out to the pitch. He didn't even try to pick up the chest, because he knew that it probably weighed more than him. Feeling successful, James walked back to the shed, shut the door, and locked it. By the time he made it back to the equipment, the rest of his family was walking out of the back door._

"_Why can't I fly Mummy?" Lily asked, wiping a tear off her florid cheek._

"_We talked about this Lils, in two years when you turn eight, you can have a broom just like your brothers," stated Ginny, as she took a hold on her daughter's hand._

"_But I want one now, Mommy." Lily pouted, annoyed that her mother wasn't giving her want she wanted._

"_No Lily, we don't want you getting hurt. Flying is a dangerous thing" Ginny began this speech again. She felt like she was a record player in repeat. She never knew how hard it was to get a message across a six-year-old's head._

"_I won't get hurt. I promise. Please," pleaded Lily, letting a few more tears stain her cheeks._

_Harry sighed and turned to his daughter, "Lily Luna, that is enough, understood? You are not allowed to fly yet. You have to wait till your eighth birthday just like James and Albus had to."_

_Lily frowned, but knew she was defeated. She sat cross-legged on the grass and tilted her head to the side as she watched her father and brothers pick up their brooms. Ginny decided to sit out this round to keep an eye on Lily, so the young girl wouldn't feel so left out. Ginny knew exactly how that felt, growing up with six older brothers made a girl feel left out a couple of times._

_James grinned up at his father and then at Al. He was anxious to see how his brother flew for the first time, though James was confident that Al couldn't be better than he was. Harry had said that James had a real talent for flying and said with his ability there wasn't a thing that could stop him from being top Seeker._

"_Is Al going to fly or what?" James asked, as he became impatient. _

_Harry chuckled at his oldest son, and ruffled James' hair a little, as he said, "Yes, he will. Hold your horses, okay?"_

"_Fine," James replied with a sigh._

_Al looked nervously at the child's broom in front of him, then up at his older brother, who urged him to mount it all ready, then up at his father. Harry gave him a approving nod. Al inhaled deeply, before mounting the broomstick. Before pushing off of the ground, he looked over at Ginny, who proudly watched her second son. She waved and told him to go on. With that, Al kicked off the ground and found himself levitating above the ground. _

"_Finally!" James yelled out, as he mounted his and kicked off as well. _

_Being the daredevil James was, he flew up a foot higher than Al was. James loved the taste of danger and the feeling that coursed through his veins. Al spotted James and nervously flew up to an equal height. He wore a smile that told the world that the eight-year-old was proud of himself. _

"_Nice job, Al. You did it." Harry said, as he observed his son's flying technique, praying that Al was steady enough. _

"_Thanks Dad," Al grinned, as he flew around his father in circles. James stayed mounted in one spot waiting for his father to release the snitch that James knew he had in his pocket. _

"_Let's see how good of a Quidditch player you are." _

_As James predicted, Harry took the snitch out of his coat pocket and showed it to his two sons. Both boys wore a wide grin, as the anxiously waited for Harry to let go of it, so they could battle. Al did it for fun, while James did it to show the world that he was better than his little brother. At least, he thought he was._

"_All right you two, on the count of three," Harry said._

"_One," He added._

_James adjusted himself on his broom and gripped it harder._

"_Two," said Ginny, as she held Lily in her lap._

_James felt the palms of his hands begin to sweat, as the nerves attacked his stomach._

"_Three!" exclaimed Lily, as Harry let the golden snitch fly out of his hand._

_James watched the snitch fly for a moment, trying to find what path it was taking. Occasionally, he'd loose sight of it, but once he found he, he flew off after it. However, Al had zoomed off as soon as the snitch was released and was all ready tight on its path. James felt his stomach tighten, as Al began to reach out for it. He yelled at himself for his amateur mistake of watching. He had been stupid. _

_Al's hand slowly gasped the golden snitch, and Al flew to the ground to dismount broom. Harry, Ginny, and Lily ran over and congratulated the young, raven-haired boy with the emerald eyes. James few down to the ground, and jumped off his broom. He was still reliving the match in his mind. He wasn't sure if it even lasted two minutes. More he thought about it, more he felt sick._

"_I think we have a new world record Seeker in the family," beamed Harry, as he hugged Al._

_Jealously snaked its way through James' body. He breathed deeply, and put on a fake smile. "Yeah, nice job Al," He mumbled, as he thought up ways to get rid of what seemed like a child prodigy. _

_There was no reason to fight it. James wasn't the Seeker he thought he was, Al was better. Al was always better. Al looked like Harry. He even had Harry's eyes! James had Harry's hair color, and some facial features, but he had brown eyes. Since James didn't look like his father, he tried his hardest to be like him, but Al always was better. _

_Sighing, James shook the feelings away as best as he could and put on a fake smile to make his family happy. He still had one thing he was better than Al at and that was school. James was older than Al, which made him smarter than Al. That he was certain about… or at least hoped._

"_All right, so what match shall we play next? Want to go against Al again James? It was a close match, you both did great," Ginny said, as she half-hugged her oldest son._

"_Yeah, but I won," Al said, a little too cockily. _

_James shot a glare at Al, before turning to Ginny and saying, "No, I decided I want to try to be Chaser. Can you teach me Mummy?"_

_Ginny gave her son a questioning look. James had spent so many nights bragging about how he was going to be top Seeker one day and how he was going to be Quidditch Captain. It was his dream, he wanted to be like Harry. Knowing this, Ginny gave a puzzled looked to Harry, who understood._

_Harry placed a hand on James' shoulder and knelt down in front of his son. He looked James straight in the eyes before saying, "You aren't switching because you lost that last match, are you? Every Quidditch player looses a match here and there, but they don't quit. They continue working hard until they win. James, losing is not an excuse to quit."_

"_I know, I just want to try something different for a little while. I'm tired of being Seeker all the time," stated James, who was looking on at his feet._

_Sighing, Harry nodded, "All right, if that's what you want son, but you are a really good Seeker."_

"_You are extremely talented Jamie," Ginny added, as she fixed James' messy hair._

_James shrugged, before mumbling, "But Al's better…"_

_Harry and Ginny exchanged glances, before Harry turned back to his son and pulled him into a tight hug. He rested his chin against the top of James' head, as he felt James bury his head into the crook of his neck. The father and son remained like that for several moments, until Al's patience ran out._

"_Are you guys done doing whatever you are doing? I want to win some more!" He shouted, as he picked at the grass._

_Kissing the top of James' head, Harry pulled away. Before he let James go, he stared his son straight in the eyes and said, "I'm proud of you, always know that. Nothing in this world could change that."_

_A stiff nod was James' only reply. He looked at his brother, sister, father, then mother, before walking over to Lily and sitting on the ground. When Ginny gave him a concerned look, he shrugged and told her, "It's your turn to play. I'll play with Lily for this round."_

_She nodded, deciding to let this moment drop for now, but she was going to have a long, serious talk with James later. She did not like how he gave up so easily, it severely frightened her. _

**Bada-bang! How did you like that ending? I'm starting to actually bring the past into this so maybe all you can figure out why James attempted suicide. **

**Anyway, please review and answer a few questions for me.**

**1. What you thought about it and what you think I can change?**

**2. What I need to work on and any future ideas for coming chapters?**

**3. How do you enjoy the progress of the story? Should I speed it up, keep it the same, slow it down? **

** I quit jumping from character to character and focus mainly on one? Which one?**

**Thank you that is all.**

**I really aprieciate you all taking the time to read this and review it.**

**-randomgirloutthere110.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Harry Poter. **

**(Haven't said that in a while, so I thought I'd throw that out there... xP**

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><p>"Care to tell me why?" Manson repeated, louder and clearer.<p>

Groaning to himself, James looked up at his healer. How was he supposed to recall that day out loud? He knew now that he had been stupid for giving up his favorite position. It was the first time he had ever given up on himself. He hated himself for it and he hated Al for beating him. Harry had told him that he was proud of him, though. Maybe the day wasn't totally bad, but listening to Al bragging for the rest of James' life wasn't a pro on his pro and con list.

"No reason that's really serious," replied James.

"Right, no reason that's serious," Manson spoke, as he stared with a skeptical gaze that roamed James' facial expression tying to find the real answer. Manson knew it was serious, because if it weren't, then James would have told him without any caution.

"Since it is no big deal and you seem to not want to tell me anyway, why don't we ask your parents why?" Manson smiled at the horrified expression that washed upon James' face.

"You-You promised me,"

"That they wouldn't talk unless I gave them permission, now I am giving permission." Manson' voice was sedate and warming. James couldn't figure out if he liked this healer or not. He was leaning towards not.

Manson turned away his patient, so he was facing the parents. Harry was leaning against the wall, scratching the whiskers on the bottom of his chin as though he was thinking critically about something. However, his lively emerald eyes that were glued on James let Manson know that Harry was observing everything that was going on. '_Probably trying to figure out unanswered questions,_' thought Manson.

Allowing his concentration to leave the father, he began searching for reactions in Ginny. She was sitting in a white, woven chair that wasn't too far from Harry. Her red hair draped over her right shoulder, as she ran her fingers through it. Her chocolate eyes kept racing from James to Harry or from Harry to James. The movement was in repeat, and Manson concluded that whatever Harry was trying to remember or figure out had all ready clung to Ginny's mind. However, what really yelled out for Manson was how she was lightly biting her pinkish lips as though she was trying to prevent herself from saying something. She was trying to prevent herself from speaking. Ginny understood why.

"Mrs. Potter, do you know anything? Do you know why?" Manson asked.

Ginny looked at Manson for a moment, before looking behind him to James, who looked horrified. His eyes were soft as he begged without words for Ginny to say nothing about it. When she opened her mouth to speak, James shot a glare her way. If she would speak, then he would find a way to kill himself. No one needed to know anything about him or anyone else in the family. Nothing personal or serious.

Noticing James' reaction, Ginny shut her mouth and said, "No, not that I can think of."

"Don't pay attention to your son. He is afraid of the truth, so he needs someone else…"

"No I'm not, shut up!" yelled James. He tried shooting poisonous darts at the Healer.

Manson pretended to not hear the patient and continued speaking.

"…to tell me what is wrong with him or I'm afraid to say that your son may never leave St. Mungos."

Ginny and Harry shared a long moment, as they seemed to battle out whether to tell or not in silence. Eventually, Harry nodded at her, and she turned to face Manson again. She cleared her throat, before saying, "If want I think is the reason, it started back when James was eight and Al was seven. We had just given Al his first broom and…"

James thought he would faint. This was not happening. His parents were betraying him. It was nothing new for his father, but his mother? This wasn't happening…

As Ginny told him the event, Manson listened carefully to every detail. He knew letting the parents come in would help with the session, however, he wouldn't invite them in on every session, because he needed to talk in secrecy with James. He needed to gather trust with the boy and he needed James to be fine speaking with him. Until then, Manson couldn't trust James to return home and just carry on with a one-on-one session once a week, as well as a group session. He had a feeling James would enjoy the group session. He hoped that when James realized he wasn't the only one going through this, it would help. However, nothing was for certain… he only hoped.

"…and well, it was the first time he had ever really lost before..." Ginny finished with a small sigh. She gazed over at her son, who had his eyes shut tightly and his fist clenched, then over at Healer Manson. She prayed to Merlin that she did the right thing.

"Aha, I see. Loosing can have a heavy toll on a person. However," Manson took a second to scratch his chin, "I don't think that is all to the story. Maybe, it is, but I don't think that was the only time James had lost to Al." Manson stopped to sedately inhale, before turning to James and asking, "Now is it?"

Light blinded his right eye, making teardrops swarm out of the tear duct and down his pallid cheek, when he opened his eye. When the water disappeared and his vision was no longer blurred by it, he had gathered enough courage to open the other eye. The light and the water had the same affect on his left eye, but once it was all over, James was staring straight at Manson. James' pinky finger twitched- still clenched in a fist- as he tried to tame the beast (inside his chest) that desired to maul the man in front of him. His lips curved into a frown, as a low growl escaped. He hated healers and how they thought they knew everything there was to know. James knew smarter people than Manson, but what frightened James was the fact that he knew no one who could read him as well as Manson. James hated the thought that he was readable. He wanted to be a mysterious, addictive puzzle that was impossible to decipher. Even his mother couldn't read everything about him. No one could, except Manson.

On the other hand, reading people was what Manson was trained to do. He was a psych Healer and a bloody good one.

"Why do you need to know all this? You all ready got a novel from Mum, why do you insist on asking more questions?" growled James, as he rested his eyes back into the familiar glare.

"I understand why you ask that. It does seem rather idiotic for me to discuss information that has nothing about you attempting suicide," Everyone in the room beside Manson shuddered a little at the word.

"but if I know anything at all about this situation- and I do- it is always best to start from the start. I can't help you unless I get to know you first." Manson had a comical expression on his face.

"That's a load of crap," muttered James.

"And from a load of crap comes a beautiful garden. Funny how that works, don't you think?" asked Manson, as he grinned at every family member.

When no one spoke or made a movement, Manson took the silence to speak some more. He guessed that James was still trying to wrap his finger around what he had said. It wasn't difficult, but the boy seemed too small minded to understand anything that wasn't black or white. Though it wasn't proven, Manson had a gut feeling that James wasn't always that way.

Coughing a little, Manson stirred the silence. He laid eyes on James, before saying, "Now, since that subject seems a bit touchy for you, let's talk about something else for a little while?" He looked around the room one more time, before suggesting, "What's your favorite color?"

"Green," replied James, uncertain of what to expect.

"Ah, that is a lovely color. See, I favorite blue over green, but orange above blue. Yellow rests at the bottom as red rests at the top. So,"

"Are you positive that you aren't a patient here yourself? You're a whack-job." James stated clearly, laughing a little after he spoke.

Manson shrugged, "Let me let you in on a little secrete, all right?"

A smile shined on Manson's face, as he walked over to James. He sat himself on the corner of his bed, before staring James in the eyes for a moment.

"Those who are sane are more insane than the ones who are mentally insane. Those who are insane- and accept it- will rise above those who are just sane. Confusing you say? Why yes, but if you examine it closely you'll realize that: The ones who are sane are most likely insane in some way, because no one is perfectly sane, for we all have all flaws. The insane ones, who accept their fate, know who they are and are able to stand higher than the other ones. Do you understand?"

"No, that still makes no sense at all," laughed James, as he tried to figure the statement out.

"Exactly my point."

The muscles in James' jaw ached as he smiled for the first time in the longest time. It felt good, but scary at the same time. Was recovery that nerve-racking all the time? Was the fear of getting better, but slowly getting worse there all the time? Would they forever bind together to create a cauldron full of fear, anxiety, and wellness all in one? Or would the feelings eventually subside into nothing? Who knew till it happened?

"Doesn't smiling feel nice?" asked Manson, as he stood back up again.

James only shrugged, a bit ashamed that he had given in and smiled, but thrilled at the sometimes.

"Well, let's leave this appointment at that? Shall we? It's better to leave a little early on a good note, than later on a bad note." Manson concluded, making his way to the door. He motioned for Harry and Ginny, who were eyeing each other as though they were speaking in secretacy, to follow him.

"Farewell till tomorrow, James. We'll pick up just where we left off. All right?" Manson said, before ushering Harry and Ginny out the door.

When the light click of the door latching ran throughout the dull room, James realized just how lonely he was. He was tired of staring at the four walls that never changed, and if they would, he pictured them to only get a duller shade of white. He was tired of only having the occasional nurse for company. However, he was afraid to let his family back into his life. If he allowed them in, they could hurt him all over again. Being away meant he had time to heal, but healing meant nothing when he felt worse than he did before. There was this aching pain inside his chest that he couldn't get away. It was as though there was an hole straight through his heart that he couldn't figure out to fill. After the session, he had realized how to fill it, because during the session the hole wasn't there. The hole was nonexistent. He wanted company. He didn't want his family, but he wanted someone…anyone…

* * *

><p>"Thanks for letting us in for James' session. We really appreciate it. We really needed to see our son," Ginny said, as Harry and she walked alongside of Healer Manson on their way out.<p>

Manson grinned, "Well, it was my pleasure. You really helped out. The first session is always a bit awkward, so having you two in there with I made it a little better."

"Well, seeing how much our son detests seeing us, I doubt it worked too well," Harry doubtfully said.

"That was exactly what I thought it would be like, but I found it rather comfortable in there. I'm not sure how you felt, but I felt only a little tension and comfort compared to normal. Plus, I'm hoping it opened a new pathway for James, seeing you two that is." Manson said, stopping at the registration desk.

"There was some tension, I guess," spoke Ginny, as she nodded down the hallways to quietly indicate that she thought Harry and her should leave.

Harry replied with a nod.

"Thank you again, Manson, but we should really get going. We don't want our other children thinking we abandon them or anything," said Harry, as he gave a firm nod goodbye, which Manson returned.

The Potters walked off towards the way they arrived, as Manson walked towards his next patient's room. Everything about the registration desk seemed normal. A plump, middle-age woman with graying brown hair and round glasses organized folders. A plant of some sort stood to the left of the wooden desk, and a light swung gently back and forth above the center of the desk. However, there was one out of place thing, one thing that didn't belong.

A girl with blond hair stood beside the plant, a newspaper in hand, listening in on conversations. How else was she supposed to get information since neither Al nor James would talk to her anymore? She swore the whole conflict wasn't her fault and played the brothers off each other. She knew that if she would like some of the frustration and pain dissolve a little, then she could get back into Al's life. He was the vulnerable at the moment, plus James got himself locked up. Everything was still going to work out for her favor, she knew it. She had the power of the prophet, Al, and the truth hidden beneath lies on her side. They victory wouldn't have been as sweet if James hadn't done what he did. However he did do it, so the victory tasted sweet.

Folding her newspaper up, she walked down the hallways and to the floo powder room. She stuffed the paper into her greenish duffle-bag, before grabbing a hand full of floo powder and stepping into a fireplace. Clearing her throat before she did anything else, she threw the powder down and yelled, "Ministry of Magic." Instantly, she was engulfed by the green flames.

After being twisted around a bit, she landed securely on the floor of the fireplace the led into the Ministry. She stepped out of the structure and headed towards her destination. She acted as though it was normal for a fifteen-year-old girl to be walking through the ministry without a registered employee, which made others around her feel as though it was normal. It was a trick many criminals used to keep from getting caught. Living in the open where everyone could see you always worked, for a little while. She wasn't a criminal; she was a victim that wanted sweet victory. And she was determined to get it.

After passing by multiple statues, offices, and other workers, she had made it to her destination. Wearing a broad grin, she took a hold of the large lion-shaped knocker and knocked three times. At first she heard no movement inside the office, but soon she could hear the rustling of paper, a chair scouting across the floor, and footsteps approaching the door. With a click the door unlocked, and was pulled upon.

A woman in his later twenties opened the door with a grin. No words needed to be exchanged. They both understood what was going on. Only a small wrinkled piece of paper, which contained all the information needed, was exchanged between the two women. It was going to be the headline story in the next issue of the Daily Prophet. It was going to slowly ruin James Sirius Potters life. And that was exactly how she wanted it…

* * *

><p><strong>Bada-bang! How did you like that ending? Wondering who the girl is? <strong>

**Anyway, please review and answer a few questions for me.**

**1. What you thought about it and what you think I can change?**

**2. What I need to work on and any future ideas for coming chapters?**

**3. How do you enjoy the progress of the story? Should I speed it up, keep it the same, slow it down? **

**I quit jumping from character to character and focus mainly on one? Which one?**

**Thank you that is all.**

**I really aprieciate you all taking the time to read this and review it.**

**-randomgirloutthere110.**

**(if you noticed that I used the same questions from the last one, than sorry I was lazy. And for those you realized that I did it from reading what I posted, sorry again, I am lazy. I didn't feel like writing up a whole new thing when I wanted to say the same thing. Now, there is one thing I would like. For those who commented last time, tell me if what I did works or not? Okay? Because your input means so much to me. 3)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter, no matter how bad I wish I did.**

**Sorry for the break between this chapter and the last. I'm redoing my room, so my desktop computer isn't hook up to internet, so I couldn't get on here. I finally was able to get on my Dad's computer and update. Hopefully, I'll be able to get another chapter out wednesday or so and another on Friday or Saturday. I really want to make up for the lateness. (:**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p>"Do you love me?" Her voluptuous, red-stained lips perfectly formed the words, as they formed into a triggering smirk.<p>

He nodded slowly. Unsure of what choice he should pick. Should he go with his instinct or the beast that roared inside his chest?

"Then, kiss me."

Brown round eyes stared at him. He gulped, as he saw the hate and betrayal milked into the silky color. Should he hate himself as well? He broke all the rules, every rule in the codebook actually. The most important one. He had done what the brown eyes had passed by multiple times. Why couldn't he pass it by like that? Hate crawled underneath his skin.

"I can explain." The three words were the first to escape the shelter of his lips. There was no "I'm sorry," or even a simple "Sorry." None of that even thought to tumble out of his mouth. The problem was that he wasn't sure if he was sorry. He had been dreaming of this for forever, and he finally achieved his goal. A simple kiss could go a lot farther than he thought. They went even farther than he even imagined in his dreams. Why did he always have the bad things happen to him?

"How? How can you explain this? Please tell me." The brown eyes looked hopeless and drenched in water like a cloud before it let the rain escape. Swollen and lost. The image tattooed itself in his brain and all he asked was for it to go away, but he knew it was never going to fade. Why would it? It was slowly drowning him- suffocating him- laughing at his misery.

"Well,"

Everything went black. The voluptuous, red-stained lips evaporated, as well as the petrifying brown eyes. The blackness felt as though it was caving in on him. He grasps for breaths. The oxygen has run thin. All he tasted was spoiled air that was useless for him. Falling on his knees and tears swell into his eyes. Was this what he wanted in life? He had no idea. He just wanted to escape- to disappear- from this place that seemed to cage him into his buried, haunting dreams.

"Someone help me, please!" He screamed out into the black abyss. He begged for anyone, prayed to Merlin that someone would show up. A stranger, a cousin, an aunt or uncle, his mum of dad, someone, anyone, he just needed help.

A pallid hand reached out of the black. He wasn't sure what to think of it at first and was blinded by the light that glowed off of the skin. He only stared, until the hand reached out farther towards him. A wave of warmth rushed over him and a painful smile twitched on to his face, as he reached his own hand out to grasp the helping hand.

Closer. Closer. Only inches of blackness between their fingers. He was going to be saved. He would be free of his struggles that tied him down day after day after day. It was only inches away. He could feel himself shaking from nerves and anxiety. It was so close, so why was it taking so long?

The palm of the hand was warm and a bit sweaty, but he disregarded that. All he cared about was getting out of the situation he was in. He felt a tug from the hand, and was rose to his feet. Still he couldn't see, but the oxygen was seeking back into the air and the walls began to separate again. He concentrated on the glowing hand that held his captive. He kept telling himself that he was going to be fine, he was going to get out. It would soon all be over. Just take it a second at a time.

A blaze of light rushed up the arm that belonged to the hand and soon it had reached the shoulder. At the same time, the feet were illuminated and the light raced up the legs and soon the torso. Then the neck was revealed and then the face. A gasp rushed out of him, as he stared at his faceless savior. He scrutinized the places where chapped, pinkish lips should belong and where the nose should be. As he studied the area where the eyes should have been, the brown eyes from before appeared on him. This time they were hurt and bloodshot. The eyes looked down at their hands- that were still intertwined- and stiffly shook his head. The eyes closed and a tear stained the figure's cheek, before it let out a breath and let go.

He fell. Every second he felt a million feet farther down than before. However, the figure still shined above him and the brown eyes were vivid and watching him as he fell. He knew that no one else was going to come and save him. He screwed himself over. It was as plain as that. It was _all _his fault. _Everything_. He did this to himself, and the brown eyes showed only the tiniest bit of regret. That was what hurt the worst.

The brown eyes no longer cared about him.

_He was alone_.

Al shot out of his bed, panting and gasping for air. It had been only a dream. It was nonexistent now. Why did it still hurt him though? He brought his knees up to his chest and laid his head on them. Then, he cried. He let out every tear that he had caged deep inside, because he found no point in holding them back anymore. The one who pressured him to be strong no longer cared about him. He was now just another face in the crowd and nothing hurt him more than that. He wished that he had every bone in his body broken instead of having this monster live within him. He could handle that pain better than he could handle what he was feeling now.

"God damn it!" He yelled, as he threw his pillow across the room. He didn't care what it would hit; he just needed to hear something break before he broke even more. He jumped out of bed, threw his blankets on the floor, and shoved his mattress off his bed. Everything taped on the walls was ripped off and everything on his shelves was thrown either in the trash or on the floor. He didn't care anymore. He wanted everything to disappear and leave forever. He wanted his room to be as empty as he was. Completely empty.

He leaned against the wall and banged his head off the wall. He didn't know what else to do. Where to turn? Where to go? Every pathway he once had open shut itself from the guilt that crawled within him. He took deep breaths, afraid to break down again. Why did he always mess everything up?

"Bloody hell Ginny! I don't know why the hell James did it! How would I know? He shut me off years before this!" Al could hear Harry yell through his bedroom door.

"Don't curse at me, Potter! I am quite aware of what our son did! I was only bloody asking if Al told you anything! Everyone in the whole wizarding world knows he favors you over me!" Al cringed at the sound of his mother's voice breaking as she yelled.

"Al won't open up either! He is turning out just like James! Don't you get it, Ginny? If we let things continue like they are doing than Al will do the same and he might actually be gone! And who bloody knows what James will do if he doesn't get better! He'll probably just try again and succeed. He learns from his mistakes!" It was Harry's turn again to yell.

Tears quieted Ginny's reply, Al wasn't sure whether it was from his sobs or her sobs. All he knew was that her next words broke him down even more. How could he do this do his parents? How could James shut them out of his life? How could Al hide the reason from his parents?

"I know. I'm t-terrified."

"I'm terrified to Mum… I'm terrified of what will happen if I tell you…"

He crumbled on to the floor and sobbed. He wanted to tell someone about it, but he was afraid that they would turn him away. He had did it while knowing that it would be the breaking point of his brother; He didn't care though. He wanted to achieve his goal. He disregarded anything for his brother and was the reason why James hated them all. It was all his fault and he knew it. What hurt him the most was the fact that even after everything that had happened, he did not regret what he had done. He only wished that he had done it without the knowledge of James' problems. He wanted to have done it without knowing of the pain that James was in, because then he could face himself better. He wouldn't be broken and sobbing like he was now. He would be fine. He would be just fine.

* * *

><p>"Merlin, I feel like its all my fault, everything." Ginny yelled between sobs.<p>

"I feel like I am the worst father in the world for letting things get this far," spoke Harry, as he thought back on everything that had happened.

His son attempted suicide and who knew what was going on with the other one. How did he let their father/son relationships drift so far away? No on told him anything anymore and it pained him, because he knew he caused the fallout with his children. He was always concentrated on something else specially his work. He shouldn't have taken that promotion to Head Auror. It took up too much of his time. Maybe, he should give it away so he could be with his family some more and pray that it didn't crumble.

"I feel like a t-terrible mother…" Ginny sobbed on to Harry's shoulder. He was her building block- her rock. If he wasn't there than she would not be able to wake up every morning in the middle of the chaos. She needed him more everyday she lived.

"D-Do you think Al will be okay?" She asked curiously. Her mind stuck on her two boys.

Harry froze. How did he reply to that? Should he lie and say that he knew everything was going to be fine? Or should he tell the truth and say that everything will never be okay again? How could it be okay again after everything that had happened? It was like another war within the household and it looked like no one was winning this battle. They were all going to loose.

Lily sat on the staircase staring at her parents. She sighed and hung her head in her hands. Everything was going down the drains. Nothing was okay anymore and it hurt her. She wiped her tears off her rosy cheeks and tucked a piece of her red hair behind her left ear. She couldn't take anymore of this- this stupidness. She was tired and irritated with every member of her family. She felt invisible during this time and day and she hated it. Why should she be punished for something that she had no idea was happening. No one even seemed to care when she was stood up on her date, because of everything that was going on with James and Al. She loved them and cared about them, but couldn't she get a bit more attention for her broken heart? She wasn't just an extra in one of those muggle movies- she was pretty sure that she meant something. She had no idea what that something was.

When Harry and Ginny took the fight into another room, Lily took the chance to gracefully sneak to the fireplace. She opened the cabinet and took out the jar of Floo Powder and opened it. She reached her hand into jar and gathers some of the grayish powder into her hands, retreated her hand, and stepped inside the stone fireplace. She breathed steadily, before throwing the powder down and whispering firmly, "St. Mungo's." Then, she disappeared in flames.

When she opened her brown eyes, she was standing in another fireplace where she guessed was St. Mungo's. She looked around the dead room and stepped out, jumping at the sound of her footsteps. They were so loud- louder than she ever remembered- that was why she hated the silence. Everything felt like it was blasting from the speakers. She shook her head, as she sneaked out of the room and walked down the hallway.

She stepped inside the deserted help desk, and began rummaging through the papers and files. Potter… Potter… Potter… How many P's were there? Finally seeing her last name, she yanked out the file and opened it.

Potter, James Sirius

_Psyche Floor: Room 412_

_Status: Critical- Mild._

Checking the dead hallways one more time, Lily took out the invisibility cloak- that she stole from Al's room out of her bag and threw it over her. She refused to get caught. Everything that she was aiming to do would be torn to pieces if she were. She needed to see her brother. She needed to talk to him. She needed to be with him.

She walked down the dimly lit hallways, passed some rather odd looking workers, before going up three floors and down the hall to her left. She read the number off the doors, waiting for the number that she wanted to most to show up. And then, it did.

Taking a breath, she opened the door and stepped inside the dark room. She knew that she probably shouldn't disturb him if he was asleep, but she needed to talk to him. Shutting the door quietly behind her and taking off the invisibility cloak, she walked slowly over to the edge of the bed. She bit her lip lightly, when she spotted James asleep on his side. His messy black hair shielded his closed eyes from her view. The corners of his pallid lips twitched lightly, as he slept. He looked so helpless and innocent, until her eyes lay on his left wrist. It was bandaged in some sort of white wrap and Lily knew that was where the cuts were.

Instantly, she flashed back to the day it had all happened. She had been a bit selfish demanding for the bathroom, and she hated herself for it a bit. The blood, the look in James' eyes, the why he fainted, the razor still in his am. The memory ripped her apart. She wanted to forget that it had all happened, but she knew that the memories that she wanted to destroy the most lasted with you for forever.

She knelt beside the bed, and reached her hand out and laid in of his forearm. "James… Jamie… wake up…" She whispered softly into the darkness. She shook him a bit harder, but made sure not to hurt him. "Please… c'mon, James… I need to talk to you."  
>"Go away…" mumbled James, as he adjusted his sleeping position. "Lils, stop it, okay? I'm sleep- Lils?" His brown eyes opened slowly and he turned to look at her. He narrowed his eyes and her gave her a suspicious look. "What- What are you doing here?"<p>

She shrugged, "I dunno… I wanted to talk to you."

James scratched his eyes, sat up slowly, before reaching over and turning on a lamp on his bedside table. He took a breath, before gasping at Lily's eyes. They were puffy and swollen like she had spent the night in tears. He couldn't find an ounce of the wonder and curiosity that normally shined in the milky brown- it was like her eyes belonged to someone else. James felt his face whiten.

"What's wrong?" He scouted over in his bed and patted the mattress next to him.

She claimed in next to him and buried her head in his chest. She blinked feverishly, trying to keep the burning tears from falling. She couldn't stop them though. They blurred her vision and fall out of control. She sniffed and tried to gather to voice to speak, but she couldn't. She had no idea where to begin.

James wrapped his arms around his younger sister and laid his head against the top of her head. He wanted to make everything better for her. No, he was going to make everything better for her. All he needed to know was what was wrong and then he would fix all her problems. He was her older brother; it was what he did best.

"Lils, talk to me, okay? Tell me what's wrong."

"E-E-Everything…" She mumbled quietly between her silent sobs. "M-Mum and D-Dad and A-Al… they've l-l-l-lost their minds… Al is a-all d-dark and h-he's s-s-scaring me and-and Hugo… M-Mum and Dad… a-all they do is f-f-fight with each other… I hate it."

James opened his mouth to reply, but Lily continued.

"And then- then I-I was stood up and n-n-no one cared, because of everything t-t-that has been going on… I-I'm in-invisible, Jamie… No one cares… they-they only care about everything that-that has happened and w-w-why it happened." Lily dried her tears, before looking up at James and staring him in the eyes, before asking, "W-W-Why Jams? W-Why?"

James remained silent for a moment and concentrated on breathing. He wanted to tell her everything, because he knew that he could trust her, but he couldn't manage to form the words in his mouth. It hurt him too much, but seeing her like this hurt him even more. Tears spilled out of the corners of his eyes, and he held his sister as close as he could. He shook his head a couple of times, before whispering, "I'm not sure why… Lily… I just did… I just… I just…" _Felt unwanted_, thought James to himself. He blinked a couple times before saying, "Listen Lils, I'll fix it, okay? You can trust me right?"

She nodded.

"All right, so trust me to fix all this. I'm gonna make it all better… you'll see…"

The wheels in his head were reeling as he thought about everything that he could do. One thing kept crossing his mind. It was that Lily didn't deserve to suffer… She never did… He had broke everything in pieces, now it was time that he had to take things in his own hands. If he couldn't live for himself, he would live for Lily. Lily was the only one that he knew would never betray him. Lily never betrayed anyone… It was just who she was.

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><p>James never got to sleep after Lily left at the break of dawn. He just sat up thinking about every little thing that had ever happened. He thought about it all day and found himself eager for the session with Manson later. He knew what he had to do and he was going to do it. He decided he spent enough time laying around feeling sorry for himself, he couldn't hide from his demons and pain forever. Someday he was going to have to leave the shelter of the hospital and learn how to live again. It was how things worked.<p>

Three knocks on the door let James know that Manson had arrived. James didn't say anything to let Manson know he was welcomed in, because James knew that Manson was going to barge in anyway. And Manson did.

He came strolling into the room with a wide grin playing on his lips. James wondered how someone who worked with mental people everyday of his life was so happy. James would be dead if he had to put of with the people that Manson had to put up with. Manson pulled a chair up next to James' bed, and asked his normal questions.

"How are you feeling."

"Good."

"Any bad thoughts recently."

"Define bad."

"You know what I mean, James."

"I'm not sure that I do."

"So, you are going to be like this today?"

"Nah, I just thought that that question was a good question to be a smartass too."

"Ah, well I guess it was. Now, answer it seriously."

"I always answer siriusly."

"James."

"Manson."

"James."

"All right, all right, sort of."

"Thank you. Now what do you mean by sort of?"

"I mean sort of. I think the thoughts, but I'm not doing to go through with anything."

Manson raised an eyebrow at James' statement. He sat up straight and asked, "So you mean you don't want to go through with it anymore."

James shook his head, "Nah, I don't want to end up here for the rest of my life. This normal routine is boring."

Manson nodded. James could tell that he was a bit surprised.

"Yesterday, you acted like you would give anything to be dead, James. Today, you are telling me you aren't going to do anything?" Manson asked firmly. Manson wasn't sure if the boy was serious or trying to fool Manson to get him off his case, so then he could go through with it witout any interuptions.

James nodded.

"Actually," he added, "I was wondering if I could go home."

"Home?"

"Yes, home. I want to go home."

Manson silenced. He watched James to see if he was going to give off any signs that let Manson know what was going on in the boy's head. Some kids only asked to be released, so they could stop being monitored and could try again. For some odd reason that wasn't the vibe that James gave off. The look in James' eyes seemed to show that he honestly wanted to be home and that he really didn't want to die. Manson had never had a patient who changed their thoughts and behaviors so quickly before, there had to be something more.

"Why?"

"Because I wan-"

"James, tell me the truth. I need to know the truth."

James sighed, before resting his eyes shut and saying, "Lily. For Lily."

"And why for Lily?"

James shot up and punched the mattress beside him. He shook his head feverishly, unable to calm himself down. He was so mad at himself for causing all this pain on her. He had been so selfish and he didn't even think about what impact this would have on her. Merlin, he hated himself more than he hated Al.

"Don't you get it, Manson? Lily- Lily she didn't do anything! She never did! She doesn't deserve to suffer… That's why I have to go home!"

Manson caught James's eyes with his and locked them in a stare.

"You seem like a good brother."

James relaxed a little, but shrugged, "I try to be to Lily."

Manson stopped for a moment, before asking quietly, "What about Al?"

James' eyes became ice cold and his stare became distant. His voice sent chills racing down Manson's spine.

"There was a time I tried for him too."

Manson adjusted himself in his seat and asked, "What happened?"

James only shook his head.

"James, what happened?" Manson repeated.

James sighed, "It- it doesn't matter anymore, it's history."

Leaning in towards James, Manson placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder and squeezed it. He spoke softly and slowly.

"Look at me, son."

James tried to avoid the older man's stare, but failed and gave in and looked. He hated himself the whole time he did so. Hate was a big emotion in his life, and he hated that it was.

"_Everything_ matters."

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><p><strong>How did you like this chapter? Trust me, there is a lot more to this story before it is even halfway over. Healing is a difficult and long process (don't be surrpised if that comes up in a few chapters). Anyway, please review and tell me what you think about it all. Even the bad reviews are nice, because it lets me know how you think and stuff. So, anyway, there isn't any questions I would like you to answer this time, all I ask is for you to review and tell me what you think about it so far. Do I need any improvements?<strong>

**-randomgirloutthere110**

**(:**


	8. Chapter 8

**I do not own Harry Potter, sadly. **

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><p>"Mr. and Mrs. Potter, it's nice to see you," Manson said, as he stood up to shake their hands. Afterwards, he sat back in his chair and scanned through the papers that were in front of him. He was looking for one page in particular. Once he found it, he stuck the other pages back inside the file folder and smiled at the nervous parents.<p>

"Manson," acknowledged Harry, as he squeezed Ginny's hand for strength.

It was never easy meeting with Manson, because bad news always came with it. It was either James was not being cooperative, James didn't want to see his parents, James tried to harm himself again, or James may have to stay at St. Mungo's for a while. No parent wanted to hear that about his or her child. They did not want to think that they had let it go so far that the chances of the child getting help were slim.

"I brought you here to discuss some things that James has decided earlier this week. After a long time of talking about it with him and being certain that I am doing the right thing for him, I am going to slowly start releasing him from the hospital's care. It won't be immediate, but it shouldn't take that long, unless something pops up that makes me think I need to withdraw my plans," Manson explained calmly, as he stared at both parents.

Ginny furrowed her brows and asked, "So, James gets to come home?"

"No, but he might be able to go home soon. It just depends. He is showing remarkable improvement. It's so remarkable that I haven't seen an improvement this amazing in any patient before him,"

"That's good, right?"

"No, Mr. Potter, it isn't. It's abnormal for someone to improve this fast. His fast improvement means that he is bury something down deep and refusing to let me know about it. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that he is hiding something important and if it isn't solved then, well, he may never get better. This could follow him for the rest of his life." Manson stated.

He stood up and walked over to a mini-fridge that was placed in his office and opened up the stainless, black door. He thought to himself for a moment between the choices he had, before finally pulling out a water bottle and turning to the couple. He pointed inside the fridge and asked, "Want something? I don't have much, but you are welcome to anything."

Harry rubbed his temple, as he took deep breaths. He adjusted his round spectacles, before shaking his head at the man who was supposed to be discussing his son's stability. He looked over at Ginny, then back at Manson.

"I think I speak for my wife and me when I say, can we please get back on the subject of our son. All I want to think about is whether he is going to be okay and what is going on with him." Harry stated boldly, as Ginny squeezed his hand again.

Ginny ran a hand through her dimming red head that was just lower than her shoulder blades. She crossed her legs and sat up straighter. She nodded at what Harry had to say and eagerly awaited Manson's reply.

Manson remained silent as he paced around the room, until he finally sat back down at his desk. He bit his lip and thought for a moment. He was dealing with the typical family during these kinds of situations. The parents were focused on the one that was in danger and letting the others slip out of their mind slowly. During this time was the time when the family needed to believe in each other and not fall apart, however usually the family slowly and murderously fell apart. Manson hated watching it happen and was usually the cause for the fallout. He refused to let that happen to this family. That would destroy James and from what James told him, Lily as well. Manson was about to figure out what would happen to Al as well and finally pin something down on the reason why James couldn't stand to see his younger brother. James' words from the last meeting still rang in Manson's mind. It haunted the Healer every moment to everyday. How could an older brother say that? What made James give up? What was the cause for all of this mayhem?

"_There was a time I tried for him too."_

James' voice had been so chilling- so cold- that it scared Manson more than anything James had said in the past. If for some reason Al was the reason why James did what he did, well, Manson had a feeling that it wasn't settling well with Al. If he didn't figure something out, then Manson had a feeling that he would be seeing the entire thing all over again. That was if Harry and Ginny caught Albus in time…

Manson rubbed his chin in thought, before taking a sip of water. He could tell that Harry was losing his patience with him and didn't mind a bit. Patience was key in these kinds of situations and if the parents didn't have it, then most likely the kids didn't have it. It was something Manson could work with and find humor in.

Deciding that the eager family had enough waiting, he let out a sigh and leaned in towards the couple.

"I want to make something clear to you two, okay? I want you to know that today we will not be discussing James, we will be discussing Al."

"Al?" asked Ginny with a surprised tone of voice.

"Yes, Al."

"What does he have to do with anything?" asked Harry, curiously.

"Al has everything to do with this according to something James told me earlier this week. It was a rather, well, _haunting_ comment. I have never heard him speak that way before till then. It was surprising." Manson said, as he remembered every detail of the meeting once again.

"Well, what did he say?" Ginny asked.

"I can't tell you, Mrs. Potter. My apologies, but that information is confidential. Plus, it doesn't matter what James had to say, because we are discussing Albus, remember?" Manson was a very persistent man. It usually worked out for him well.

Harry placed his head in his hands.

"Something wrong, Mr. Potter?"

"Yeah, yeah there is. I-I just don't understand what this has to do with James and his condition." Harry stated.

Manson could tell that he was in deep thought. Manson could see it in the emerald eyes that the man had. The eyes had a bright gleam to them that welcomed Manson into Harry's mind as though they were trying to tell him something. Manson scavenged for what the message was. He needed to find out. He needed to-

"You all ready know why." Manson spoke.

Harry looked up at the man and stared him in the eyes. Did he know? He was positive that he didn't know, but he had been wrong before. He would be the first to admit his wrong doings. He was wrong to pressure James, he was wrong to somewhat favorite Al when the boys were younger, and he was wrong to many things he did in the Auror field. So, honestly, he could be wrong here. There wasn't anything in Harry's mind that was telling him otherwise.

"I-I can't think of anything… Ginny can you-"

"No, Mr. Potter. Don't ask your wife. Ask yourself. Think about your conversations with Al from past ones to more recent ones. Is there a difference between them? Has Al changed at all? Does the change make you feel anything at all? Do you fear-"

"Al is just like James was towards me before James tried to- you know." Harry blurted it out. There wasn't a second thought in his mind. He knew it was what Manson wanted him to figure out. It was the truth. It had been scarring and tormenting Harry every night since the incident. It was frightening.

"And how was that? How does Al act?"

Manson had to admit that this was getting very interesting.

"Al and I had this relationship with each other that made Al feel like he could tell me anything and he did. It was a much stronger relationship than James and I had, but Al seems even more distant than James ever was. Al tried to avoid all family events- things he used to love- and when I try to get him to open up he lies. I know he is lying. He says that he is fine, but there are times I can hear him in his room throwing things and I want to go in to see what's wrong, but there's this voice in my head that keeps telling me that he can work it out on his own. I think that voice is _hope_. I hope he gets better, because that's what I want to happen. In reality, I know that Al is heading down the same path that James went down and I try to pretend that I don't know it."

The history and thoughts just came spilling out of Harry. And Manson loved every bit of it. This was good, this was very good. This was what Manson needed. Harry had no idea how great of a father he was there to admit his fears and feelings to Manson, but Manson knew and he knew that Harry may have just saved his son's life. From the sound of it, Al wasn't far from ending up like James.

"Harry, you have no idea how important this information is. And I think it will really help solve all this mess between James and him. I want to talk to Al. I want to set up an appointment to talk to him. If he refuses, I will come to your house and have the meeting there. I feel like it is critical that I talk to him and see if I can get him to confess anything." Manson was smiling. He was finally having a breakthrough.

Harry nodded. However, one thought continued to run through Harry's mind: What if it was all ready too late to save Al and James? Harry didn't even want to know the answer to that.

"Manson, if you are going to meet with Al, I was wondering if you could meet with another person that I know for a fact has information on this subject." Ginny asked, unsure of whether she was doing the right thing or not.

"Of course, of course. Who is it?"

"It's my brother's son, Hugo. James was super close to him and used to tell him everything. The boys tried to hide that information from Hugo's mum and me, but we knew. Hermione- Hugo's mother- is amazing at figuring things like that out. However, recently, she said that Hugo has lost his jolliness that he usually has. He has- I guess- become darker than he normally is. Ron- my brother- even told me that Hugo has been having nightmares and in his sleep he screams and speaks Al's and James' name. It's got to the point where Hugo doesn't even sleep much anymore, Hermione says. And honestly, I don't think it's just Hugo that knows something… I think it is all the kids… They know something and they are not going to tell. It's like they swore not to."

"Al mumbled something in his sleep about a promise. Something about how everyone was sworn to secrecy and he wanted out… then, he started screaming…" Harry added, as though he had felt the same way as his wife.

Manson stared at them for a moment, before asking, "If there was a promise made, then who made them promise not to tell a soul?"

Harry and Ginny shared a glance, before shrugging and saying, "We don't know. It doesn't make sense."

Manson took a moment to jot what they just told him down on a piece of parchment, before rubbing his temple. This was nothing like he thought it was going to turn out. He thought he gathered information that he could work with and then he was greeted with this information that made him feel like something larger than what he thought was going on. What he couldn't figure out was: Whose promise was so important to keep when your family was trying to commit suicide? Manson had no answer to it, but he was sure he was going to get one.

"I want a meeting with all the adults in your family. Every parent. Do you understand me? I want to figure out what is going on and then, I want to have a nice meeting with every one of the kids. One of them is bound to crack and tell me what in the world is going on. Then, I can go on from there. Secrets are burdens for many children and they can cause the kids to do unspeakable things…"

"I'm sure they will all be okay with the meetings. All of us just want to figure this out and be over with it," replied Ginny.

Manson nodded, "That is explainable. Now, if you excuse me, before I issue anything farther between James and everything else, I am going to go chat with James. I want to see if he can tell me anything more about what is going on. It was nice talking to you and I will let you know more about things in a bit, all right?"

Harry and Ginny nodded, before shaking hands with the man and leaving the room. They didn't know if telling him was the right thing to do or not. Choices were so confusing now and they had no idea what to do. Holding hands, they made it to the fireplace and floo back home.

Ginny immediately went to tell Hermione about everything that had happened that left Harry alone with the kids. It took him a moment to even find the kids. As soon as Al saw him, he got up off the couch and left for his room. 'Oh dear Merlin,' thought Harry, as he sat beside Lily on the couch. She was reading a book of some sort. Harry guessed that it was one that Hermione gave her at some point. She had her red hair draped over her left shoulder and she balanced the book on her right knee. She gave her father a smile when she noticed him, before returning back to her reading.

Unsure of whether to ask the girl or not, Harry took a deep breath. He decided to just dive in and pray for the best.

"Hey, Lils, has anyone talked to you about a promise of some sort?"

Lily shrugged, "I hear of lots of promises Dad. I'm a teenage girl. Can you be more specific?"

"Has anyone told you about what happened with James… and made you swear not to tell another soul?" Harry asked, his Auror inside yearning to figure the mystery out.

Lily shut her book and looked Harry in the eyes. She took a breath, before saying.

"Dad, I have no idea what happened. No one tells me anything. Hugo is like a diary, so he knows everything. If you want to find out something, ask him. Though, he never tells a soul." She stated strongly, before flipping through the pages of her book.

Immediately, she was greeted with an internal battle. Should she tell her Dad what Al and she were just talking about before he walked in? Should she tell him what she heard between Al and Louis? She understood what Al had told her and she understood what she heard. She didn't want to be a part of it and now she understood why they left her out of it. She was happy to not know anything, well, she was happy that she used to not know anything, because now she knew just as much as Molly and Rose and they were forced to swear. This may be her only chance of ever telling. It was like a nightmare that came true. It was sickening.

"Dad, I'm tired, I think I'm going to go up to my room." She said, before hoping off the couch and heading upstairs. She had to get away from him. She had to prove that she could keep it all a secret without making the promise. She would not blab, but maybe it was for the better if she did. She hated choices and decision and everything at the moment. She was the soul survivor, but something told her that she wouldn't be for much longer…

Inside her room, she threw herself on to her bed and thought about everything she was ever taught in school. She needed an answer to something that she overheard. Punching her wall, she screamed into her pillow.

"What the bloody hell is an Unbreakable Vow?"

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><p><strong>So, how was the ending? I would love for you all to tell me. If you do not like the way the story is going, please tell me and I will deleate this chapter and then go with the other idea in my head. This story has more betrayal and drama and the unexpected in it, but the other way is nice too. I dunno, it's whatever my readers want. So please tell me what you think in reviews.<strong>

**The reviews mean so much to me. You have no idea. They really do.**

**Well, thanks again for reading and seriously tell me if you don't like the chapter and think its too different so I can change it and stuff. I just thought the idea would be cool. **

**Thanks 3**

**-randomgirloutthere110**

**PS: Remember to R&R :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Sorry, this Chapter turned out short but this was all that I wanted in it, so yeah. Length isn't the key to masterpieces though, its the ideas. So, I still think this one is just as good maybe better than my other chapters.**

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><p>Emerald eyes reflected back at him. Beads of sweat wetted down his out of placed hair. The emerald eyes closed, as he locked the door. He studied at himself in the mirror, to see the emerald eyes sheltering tears. Slick tears that leaked and stained his sweaty face. Why did everything have to come to this? Everything was bottled up fears and uncontrollable anger. He was slowly loosing it. He slowly lifted his hand to touch the mirror, the feeling of the cold piece of glass on his skin. In a bizarre way, it was soothing to him. It swept away some of the unnerving stress that followed him around all the time.<p>

He took back his hand that was shaking and reached out for the knob on the sink then turned it. Instantly, he heard the water begin spilling out into the sink. Taking a deep breath, he let one eye flutter open and then the other. It was a simple movement but it was so hard to do. With a scornful look on his face, he stared at himself again in the haunting mirror. What had he done? It was the one question that he couldn't get out of his head recently. It was slowly suffocating his soul- his heart- and he didn't know what to do to get out. The stakes for telling and admitting everything was too high and he knew if he did it, then James would win. _James always won._

As he studied himself in the mirror, he noticed the rivulets of sweat that mixed with his salty tears. The edges of his pallid lips were pointed down and his breathing was incredibly loud. The corners of his eyes were bloodshot and there was a glossy look to his irises. He took a gulped as he rested his hands on the colder counter in front of him. Was this how James felt when it happened? Was this what James was doing right before he tried it? Recently, the thought of trying and successfully committing cascaded around his jumbled mind a lot. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, it found its way back. It was almost impressive.

"No... I won't let him win..." He mumbled through his teeth, as he turned his back on the mirror.

Leaning against the edge of the counter, Albus Severus Potter thought. There had to be a loophole around this suffering. There had to be a way out. James did it all too quickly to have thought everything out. Al was smart enough to know that when somebody rushed mistakes were made. He thought. There had to be something that was overlooked and left out. Not even James was enough of a mastermind to do everything without mistake and all Al had to do was figure out the riddle. Luckily for him, riddles were a talent of his.

There were three bold knocks on the bathroom door, which snapped Al halfway out of his thoughts. He turned his head slightly to look at the door and asked, "What?"

"Al-"

He didn't bother to listen to anything else that the owner of the voice said. His eyes widened in hope and a gasp rang lightly from his chapped lips. Albus Severus had an epiphany; he found the loophole in the mist of everything and it was living right in front of his nose. He may not be stuck like he thought he was. He just had to figure out how to have everything happen without breaking the vow... The vow was such a fragile piece of magic and one wrong thing could be the death of him. He gulped a lump down his throat at the thought of death. He wasn't ready for death. He had too much to live for...

How could someone he thought was his best mate be so emotionless and mean? There were no love, no worry, no nothing in the brown eyes that were one filled with warmth. When Al was younger he used to compare the brown eyes to a piece of chocolate that slowly made you melt away in its glory. Where was that friendly, mischievous spark now because Al was ready for it to return. Something inside him told him that it was a good chance that the spark was lost forever somewhere in the depths of wherever everything lost went. It was a painful thought to think about.

The three bold knocks rang louder from the door. He heard a loud sigh, before a stressed voice calling, "Albus, really, my bladder is going to explode."

"Lily..." He mumbled to himself under his breath, as he darted out of his original idea.

She knew what happened and according to the vow, Albus had twenty-four hours to either somehow get her to speak up about it or tell _him about her knowing. He found out that she knew around six in the evening. He checked his watch, it was now eight-thirty five. He had a little less than twenty-two hours to have one or the other happen or he could kiss his life goodbye. He gulped down his fear because he had to do this. He had no other choice of winning._

This was his loophole.

"Albus?" She asked through the door. Worry quivered through her voice.

Recalling that he hadn't replied to her yet, he wiped away his tears and cleared his throat.

"Uh, sorry Lil," He said, as he swung open the bathroom door.

A look of relief swept over her face, as she smiled a little.

"I-I thought you were doing what James d-did..." She looked down at her feet and closed her eyes.

Albus stared at his younger sister, laid a hand on her shoulder, and squeezed.

"Lily, look at me." He commanded.

It took her second but she lifted her head to stare into her brother's eyes. Brown met emerald and silence rose from the dead.

Al leaned his head towards his younger sister, a strong smile on his lips, and spoke.

"I will never do what James did. No matter how much I am being pulled that way, I refuse to die. Trust me, Lily, I am stronger than James. I'm stronger than James will ever be."

All she could respond from that was nod. She hoped Al was stronger than James was. If not... She didn't even want to think about that...

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><p>Every session James was becoming more and more difficult to work with. It was as though he was accepting to go home and longer he stayed more he drifted away. He wouldn't speak about his parents and when Albus was brought up James shut down completely. His face would turn white and the dark bags under his eyes would grow darker. His appearance was almost haunting and Manson found it harder and harder to look at the boy. He had commanded his nurses to sedate James, so he could sleep. He knew James stayed up for multiple nights in a row and he didn't know how to get him to stop. The boy insisted that he was getting better but as days disappeared, he appeared as though he was getting worse. Manson was stuck; something he never was.<p>

Taking a deep breath, he swung open the door for James' room and stepped inside. Something about the room made his stomach drop and it hard to breathe. Perhaps, he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to save this patient. If only he knew that James wasn't the only one needed saved.

He took a seat at the end of James' bed, as James sat up more- a spectral look on his pallid face- and scratched his bloodshot eyes.

"James, how are you feeling?"

"Can I go home yet?" James shot back at Manson with a weak, tender aspect to his voice.

Manson bowed his head and shook it once.

"You can't. Not yet, not until," the man looked up at the boy, "you tell me what is going on with you and everyone else."

James cursed lividly under his breath and slammed down on his pillow. He rolled on to his side and faced the wall without anything upon it. No window, no door, no picture, just plain white walls. James was surely changing through his time spent at St. Mungo's and it wasn't for the better.

"James?"

There was only silence.

Manson sighed and adjusted himself on the bed.

"James, I know you are upset that I haven't released you yet, but,"

Then, Manson heard it. It wasn't loud but it was harsh. It was heart-breaking. It was muffled. It was crying from someone who had done much more than known.

"L-Lily- s-she needs me."

"I know, but Ja,"

"H-Hugo... he n-needs me..."

"James?"

The boy scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to hold back the suffocating pain. He tried to hold it back but he couldn't. It slipped out easily, but painfully. He just needed all of this to be over. There wasn't a day that past that didn't make him hate himself more and it was starting to get the best of him.

Unsure, whether he should speak or not, Manson watched James closely letting the boy let the caged back tears and emotions. Taking a quick breath, Manson changed positions on the bed so he could see James' face and asked what he knew was a deadly question.

"What about Albus?"

"A-Albus?" James replied, stuttering a bit.

Manson nodded slowly.

"Yes, James, Albus as in your brother."

The deep pain on James' face disappeared and was replaced by this unknown cold feeling. His body froze as he lay staring at the blank wall in hopes that something would come along and change the course of the past. He knew it wouldn't though.

"He needs me to stay away."

Manson didn't know what to do. What to say next? The coldness in James' voice sent chills sprinting down the older man's spine and a voice appeared in Manson mind that tried to tell him that nothing would ever be all right. Nothing.

"Why?"

"Doesn't matter..." James' voice was just as cold.

Manson couldn't take not knowing, so leaning forward towards James he said, "Listen to me James, I'm going to find out what's going on. I'm having a private meeting with everyone in your family and they will tell me. I need to know what's going on so I can help you."

James chuckled darkly.

"Find that funny?" Manson asked, his mind reeling for answers.

"They won't tell you."

"And why not?" Manson wasn't sure if James found this amusing or just did it.

A loud silence, which cursed at them, ignited between them. Five minutes almost past, before James muttered in a whisper-like, fragile, and dark voice, "Because Death is a terrifying thing..."

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><p><strong>Did you like it?<strong>

**Remember, reviewing helps me as a writer so whether you have a nice comment or mean comment, review away so I can learn. Thank you.**

**-randomgirloutthere11o**

**By the way, I hope I get the next chapter updated in a week or so. I have three other fanfics I'm working on too, so it's a bit difficult. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for quitting the updates for this story, however, as I read through it and now, I realize it's poorly written and the plot is all mixed up, so I shall be posting another story of it with a plot line that is simular but clearer and etc. If you are interested in that, it will be called "To Mend One Must Break". There will be a legit storyline to it and I will be updating, sorry about it all again.**

**It will still focus around James and the other characters. Sorry again. **

**~randomgirloutthere110**


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